FCC = Fucking Controlling Cocksuckers

"Look up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO! Its a monkey in a tree that has rabies and loves cheese! RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!"

[tipping Cowboy hat] Howdy all you Rabid Cheese Monkey fans... and fuck all ya haters, suck my dick... Time for this weeks episode of... ok more like your weekly rabies infection... Without further stalling...

Ok, I wrote earlier about the Super Bowl... and now comes my rant on the shit that pisses me off more than finding out I fucked a fat chick when I had (more than) one too many to drink or finding out that I am SANE and this rabies I have is just a cold... what is that you may wonder? NO..I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT YOU THINK, IF I DID YOU'D BE WRITING THIS NOT ME!! I am talking about the shit that happened last year with Janet "Why the fuck is she in the music business?" Jackson... No not the "Clothing Malfunction", that was bull shit anyways THAT WAS INTENTIONAL AND FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE... I am talking about the shit AFTER it.. That's right, I am talking about the slow censorship and eradication of the First Admendment that is occurring thanks in part to the Fucking Communist Cunts, or as we know them the FCC....

The Federal Communication Commission (There Motto? "Nothing like 200+ year old paper to wipe our asses with!") got a whole ass load of complaints after Janet "Total Douche Bag Wash Out" Jackson showed her boob on TV. Who did the complaining? Parents. Parents that are so worried about OTHER children that they don't really notice what THEIR children are watching or care to sit down and explain to their kids the birds and bees.. but more specifically - TOO FUCKING LAZY TO TURN THE FUCKING TV OFF AND KEEP THEIR NOSE OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES SHIT AND MAKE OTHER'S BUSINESS THEIR SHIT!!

Ok, I admit, I didn't want to see her damn boob just like anybody else. After all, her nudie pic is considered a weapon of mass destruction in 20 GALAXIES.. funny we went to war with Iraq over WMD and yet Playboy published one... Anyways... What followed was the equivalent of launching a tactical nuke trying to kill a flea. Suddenly, radio and TV became too afraid to even shit because the big bad FCC (Motto : "Freedom of speech and media for all.. unless we say otherwise!") would come along and hit them up with a fine! National TV stations became afraid to play anything that could be considered "Fine material" and Radio decided Howard Stern and Man Cow were "too Fine Material" for the air waves. Worst part? A movie, Saving Private Ryan, a damn fine movie and great educational value was DENIED play because stations were TOO FUCKING AFRAID the FCC (Motto : "Is that an elbow, or a boob? Ahh screw it.. fine them!") would fine everybody! Basically, these stations were afraid of their own shadows because some lazy ass parent could scream bloody murder and they'd end up with a fine!

Well, Rabid Cheese Monkey (Motto : ",!,, ^,~,^ ,,!,") has this to say - WHAT THE MUTHA FUCKING BLUE SHITTING HELL IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY??!!!! First let me aim my Double Barreled Insanity ShitGun at the National Stations and Radios... WHY MUST YOU BOW DOWN AND KISS THE ASS OF A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE WHEN THE REST (ALL FEW MILLION, NOT 2 OR MORE) DON'T GIVE A FUCK?!!! Give us what we want and fuck those who whine! I admit, I wouldn't want you to just go ape shit and start broadcasting hardcore porn and I'll also admit that there are things children mustn't see... BUT THAT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF A PARENT NOT A NATIONAL TELEVISION/RADIO STATION TO DECIDE!!! Just use your head (the top one ya dumb shit!) and we will all be fine.

Now for you, you lazy excuses for parents.... Ok, its about time you fucking learn of this amazing thing on your television that has been there since the television has been created. Its called THE ON/OFF SWITCH!!! HOLY FUCKING CLUSTER FUCK ON ICE WITH SANTA CLAUS AND ELVIS!! YOU CAN ACTUALLY USE THAT FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN TURNING IT OFF AT NIGHT?!! FUCKING DAMN STRAIT YA RETARDED ASS FUCK!! Let me explain - See something that you find you don't want your kids to see? Just press that magical button called the On/Off (or Power button) and OH MY FUCKING GOD GOT UP AND DID THE RUMBA! THE BAD SHIT IS GONE!!! LIKE MAGIC!!! Sweet merciful crap, WHY can't ya do that instead of bitch about it? Furthermore... WHY must you concern yourself with OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS instead of YOUR OWN when you are doing a shit ass poor job of it???

Let me give ya an example... I was in this poor man's Walmart thats close to my tree, and I saw a mother and her tribe of Future Chain Gang Members doing typical things. Well, one of her kids wanted a game.. a M (for Mature) rated game. Now, you'd think that if you had any sort of scruples as a parent, you'd tell them "No, the game is M Rated.. I don't want ya to play a violent game"... Guess what? The "Mom" said "I don't know if they will let you buy it since it is M Rated" HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!! YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO SAY "NO" BUT I KNOW YOU WOULD HAVE BOUGHT THE GAME IF THE STORE SAID NO!!! Besides, that store is shit.. they won't say no.. they need the money. I almost wanted to bitch slap her and say "Thanks Bitch for fucking over the game industry!" But RCM won't do that.. Why? 1) I don't hit women, 2) I was next in line, 3) My strait jacket was on with the "Danger! Stand Back! This monkey has rabies!" sign on it, and 4) Ultimately that was her choice to get it.. I have no right to condemn it.... However, SHE has no right to condemn what is on that game or in the game industry now because of HER choice. So that means she has NO right to scream bloody murder about how games have become violent because she knowingly bought one or knowingly gets violent movies/games/music for her kids.

Essentially - If you know you are buying something inappropriate, then its your fault if you find it offensive... and ignorance of the warnings (ie not knowing the rating system even though its played like a broken record on those kioses and clearly posted like everywhere) is ABSOLUTELY NO DEFENSE TO YOUR OWN IGNORANCE!!!! Its not the game/music/television/movie industry's fault you are an illiterate retarded ass pirate... You bought it, its your own damn fault. So don't force your ignorance on me because of your poor, ignorant choices.. Try it and you will be next in line for rabies shots with hand and dick welts all over ya!

And now... The FCC (Motto : "Fine them for playing 'Leave it to Beaver'.. Beaver is an offensive word and will corrupt our youth!"), RCM (Motto : ",!,, ^,~,^ ,,!,") saved ya for last... Mainly because ya keep moving around and I can't hit the backside of my ass with both hands....

Since the Janet "Get off the stage ya tallentless bitch!" Jackson donkey show... the Fucking Communist Cokeheads has been on the Holy Turd Grail Quest to "Clean up radio and TV".. and to basically go Censorship Happy and destroy the First Admendment all in the name of "Protecting children from Inappropriate Material"... well, protect this and kiss it because I am coming to bite it and give ya rabies!-> (_(_)

WHY THE FUCK MUST THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT, WHO IS SO FAR OUT OF TOUCH WITH THIS THING CALLED "REALITY" THAT THEY PRETTY MUCH HAVE A MAILING ADDY NEXT TO SATCHQUATCH, DICTATE WHAT IS AND ISN'T APPROPRIATE ON OPEN MEDIA?!!! We DON'T need a government body telling us these things.. and we don't need them to freak everytime a boob from a wash up appears on TV!! What you are doing isn't "Protecting" its called "Censorship".. something the Constitution said YOU MAY NOT DO YA FUCK HEADS!! NO GOVERNMENT ORGANIZATION CAN SAY WHAT IS AND ISN'T APPROPRIATE FOR PEOPLE TO SEE!!!!!! Furthermore, this "We will fine ya a bazillion dollars if we deem it inappropriate" is also dumb. Your "definition" of what is inappropriate is soooo vague that even something totally bland could get a massive fine.. ALL BECAUSE ONE SHIT HEAD DECIDED TO COMPLAIN!!!!! The actions of the FCC (Motto : "No Retard or Shithead left behind.. and forget common sense!") are sooo ludicrous that I am surprised they have gotten away with it as long as it has. They are effectively turning the Constitution into ass paper.

But here is the thing... this is the ONLY NATION that has such a hang up on sex on TV. Other nations and countries have shit on their airwaves that would make Janet "Get the fuck out of here!" Jackson look tame in comparison. Other places have shit like homosexuality, nudity, swearing... and they don't have all the rights we have here! What does that make the US then? More civil... or more fucking retarded? Oh we can have shit like CSI and show blood guts and gore.. but show a boob or a dick and HOLY SHIT! STOP THE PRESSES!! CAN'T HAVE BOOBS OR COCKS NEXT TO THE BLOOD!!! MAY TEACH KIDS TO GET IT OUT OF ORDER!!!! I say this - SHUT THE FUCK UP AND KEEP IT SHUT!!!

I seriously don't believe kids mimic what they see on TV... I think they mimic what their parents teach and if that is faltered then we get these probs we have here. TV and the Media have NO BEARING on how kids will act.. WHAT PARENTS TEACH THEIR KIDS DOES MORE THAN WHAT THEIR KIDS WATCH!!!! It is quite possible that a kid could play violent video games and watch bloody movies... yet if a parent has taught that kid that all life is important and that they must NEVER take a life unless their life is in danger, that violence in real life solves nothing... then that kid I strongly think will never raise a hand in anger. As for sex... teach that kid that the opposite sex should be treated with respect and that they must NEVER disrespect or dehumanize them, then NO amount of sex on TV will cause that child to be a rapist or a spouse beater. This whole "We must protect the children!" is just a sugar coating for the removal of the First Admendment... and all subsequent Admendments after that...

So in closing its up to the individual, not a government body, to decide what is or isn't offensive. That the individual needs to take steps THEMSELVES to prevent offensive things from entering their homes. The FCC (Motto : "Common Sense? No, we need to be senseless!") should be there to prevent MAJOR NOT MINOR events from occurring. That ultimately it comes down to the individuals choice and that they are responsible for what their kids watch or not watch, NOT A FUCKING FEDERAL OFFICE!!! That if a kid acts antisocial, it is because of parents' raising.. or a mental disease... NOT THE MEDIA!!!

If it takes a village to raise a kid, then we are fucked because we have way too many village idiots here....

Now excuse me... I am going to go watch as this country gets destroyed after I watch "Naked Blood Bath"

Just Eliminate Retards Kuz Only Fucking Fools Show : The Anti-Drug that makes me want to DO DRUGS!!!

Ahh man... Life is sooo much easier when you are insane and you are a monkey that has rabies. I could preach for hours, but I am sure you are hear for the latest installment of "What The Fuck Is This Crazy Ass Going To Babble About Now?" Soooo... Without further adeu (or however you spell that French word) Turn your heads to Chapter 6 Verse 69 Subsection 420 and let the insanity begin...

Ok, I am sure that you all have seen ads by The Partnership for a Drug Free America.. and maybe not so much from Just Eliminate Lies (aka JEL - A group of teens who got together to just eliminate lies.. and prove they are a bunch of retarded fucks). Now, let me clear the blunt smoke out of here and let me say this - I am NOT FOR drug use or teen smoking..and if you say I am, I will personally bitch slap your head off! So, what am I against exactly? Hypocrisy and Misinformation. Thats right.. I am against LIES.

Let me first bite and infect truth (and rabies...) into JEL.... Ok, let me set up what they are since nobody and their mama knows who the flying fuck JEL is outside Iowa.. or even in Iowa. JEL is an Anti-Smoking campain group that is trying to "eliminate the lies" that Big Tobacco has spread throughout the years. They hope they can destroy Big Tobacco and nobody will die from the shit tobacco does.. and thus bring back the unicorns and world peace and we all will live happily ever after....

News Flash you god damn buch of retarded muther fucking cock sucking...[going into a Rabid Cheese Monkey Patent Pending Cuss-A-Thon]... pieces of fucking shit!!!!

[Choir Sings - "Amen"]

I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT JEL!!! TRUTH IS, THE ONLY LIES YOU NEED TO ELIMIATE ARE THE ONES YOU SPREAD YOURSELF!!!!

Lets start from the beginning... For starters, JEL is NOT a bunch of "teens" who got together.. in fact, JEL is a Anti-Smoking STATE GOVERNMENT OFFICE that continuously gets money taken from them thanks to Governor Vilsack (from this point forward named Ballsack) because he can't manage his own check book much less a state's income. By the way... RCM don't believe in coincidences... Why the fuck was Ballsack in NJ a week or 2 before McGreevey (from this point forward named McGreedy) admits he's gay? Lover's quarrel Ballsack? Hummm....

Anyways, the Lie is that they are STILL a government office... the Iowa Department of Youth Tobacco Prevention... THAT IS JEL, NOT A BUNCH OF TEENS!! JEL IS LYING ABOUT WHO THEY ARE!! THEY ARE A GOVERNMENT ORGANIZATION NOT A INDEPENDENT ORGANIZATION!! To prove this.. Before JEL even was shit out somebody's ass, ads were ran by that government organization.. and when JEL was taken out of the toilet they ran ads too...that were identical.. no...THEY WERE the same ads under the JEL banter!!! So.. who are you fooling JEL? Not this rabid monkey who loves cheese... and pussy...

[Choir sings - "Amen"]

Now for the next part... Do you know where JEL gets the money? Answer - the Tobacco settlement! So let me get this strait JEL... You want to eliminate Big Tobacco, but you get PAID BY Big Tobacco to run this shit show? That makes no sense.. no wait it does... IT MAKES YOU A BUNCH OF 2 TIMING FUCKING HYPOCRITES!!!!! I am kind of glad that Ballsack took most of that money and used it for "Roads" ... or maybe to patch things up with McGreedy... The point here is that you get money from the thing you try to eliminate.. That is like saying "We hate big tobacco and don't want it around.. but we need big tobacco around so we can be heard" So.. do as you say, don't do as you do JEL? Well go fuck yourself...

I hear some person in the back pew saying "But Rabid, you're a foaming mad monkey..." Not you dumb shit, the guy next to you.. he said "But what about that other anti-smoking group Truth?" Give that man a Columbia Gold Cigar! Truth is nothing like JEL.. See, they get their money from The Heritage Foundation and both are not government organizations. Also, they are out just saying the lies that were said. They are not out to destroy Big Tobacco... Something NO 2 bit "group of teens but are really a government organization" could do in a million years.. They are just giving you the info, nothing more and nothing less.

But I guess JEL wants to be like Truth.. so what are they doing now? "Borrowing" ads that are produced by Truth and saying their group... What a bunch of retards! Go back to your special ed classes and fail like ya always do! Guess its hard to make new ads when Ballsack takes your cash for "roads"... But now we shall go to the next part of my sermon titled "ONDCP and JEL - Proof that America has gone to the idiots" First.. the collection plate is being passed.. so cough it up!

[Choir Sings - "Fuck the world" by Insane Clown Posse]

Ahh, I got some bananas and cheese... thats better than money.. Oh and a chick's number... looks like I'm getting laid after this! Ok on to the next part...

Since the beginning of time.. or since Reagan outlawed pot... this group called "The Partnership for A Drug-Free America" has been running ads saying the dangers of drugs. Like JEL, it is a government agency - Office of National Drug Control Policy (that's what ONDCP stands for if you have been wondering what the fuck I meant by that... I don't give 2 shits and a fuck if you are wondering what the fuck I am babbling about). They have come up with some real winners for ads... and now they are doing this "The Anti Drug" shit... "Regret : The Anti-Drug" "Knowledge : The Anti-Drug" "Parents : The Anti-Drug".. Hey, know what my Anti-Drug is? INSANITY AND RABIES : THE ANTI-DRUG!!

[Choir Sings - "Amen"]

Ok.. Let me say this - IF PARENTS ARE TOO FUCKING LAZY TO TEACH THEIR KIDS NOT TO DO DRUGS, A FUCKING AD ISN'T GOING TO WORK EITHER! IN FACT, NOTHING WILL!!!! Also, there are a shitload of drugs out there.. and what do they target? POT!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!! Pot is no more dangerous than beer and smokes... yet you target THAT???? God damn! I'd say that you are a bunch of retarded fucks.. but this is a federal government deal so this is no surprise to me.

But what really jacks my ass about them and JEL is that they think these ads WORK. Guess what?? THEY DO NOT WORK!!!!! THEY HAVE STOPPED NOTHING!! Study after study after study has said the same thing : These ads do not work nor convince anybody to not do what they preach. You'd think they'd answer to this.. but oh no, they babble that drug/smoking has gone down in the last years... Here's the deal - if the decrease has occurred, its not because of some ad.. its because people just simply not done it. Also.. here is something for you [Swear-A-Thon©] to think about... look at the last presidential election - according to all those polls, JOHN KERRY should have won! Polls don't like right? Guess what - PEOPLE DO!!! Most said they were voting for Kerry.. and went and voted for BUSH! They did this to fuck with the pollers... and guess what? People that are polled if they do drugs 9 times out of 10 lie too... They are not going to openly say they do, and some actually say they do drugs but are as clean as a virgin's pussy. They do this to fuck with the pollers.. and so I have no faith in the "polls" and the "Statistics" that these groups spout out.

So... I know that these ads don't work and that mostly its a show of hypocrisy than anything else. Doing shit like drugs and smokes is a matter of personal choice. No amount of talking, advertising, information and laws is going to stop the person from making a bad choice. They may kill themselves. They may kill others. Ultimately its their fault and the lessons that they would teach are ignored by those who are going to still make the wrong choice. Don't believe me? Ask yourself : When was the last time an ad convinced ya not to do something? Never?

[Choir Sings - "Amen"]

In closing, these groups need to wake up and smell the shit burning. They are fighting a pointless battle and nothing they can do can stop what they are against. Being a hypocrite is much worse than being a pot head. At least if you stop smoking pot, you won't be a pot head anymore. But being a hypocrite means you are a liar and nothing can ever change that.

JEL said once "We are not stupid and we are not going to take it anymore!"...

Yes you are stupid. Stupid and retarded. Now sit down and shut the fuck up before Ballsack finds out you have more cash and uses it for flowers for McGreedy.

Now get the fuck out of here... I am going to get me some....

[Choir Sings - "Amen"]

I just come to do the Super Bowl Shovel...

Ahh yess... The Super Bowl. The time of year your foaming mad monkey actually gives a shit about Football... Where dreams are made and broken, I believe.. of course if your life depends on a fucking dumb game, then I'd have to say you live a sad and pointless life.. but thats just me and I am insane....

So how does your partner in insanity decide what team to root for considering I have no team in particular I like? RCM gets out his lucky quarter (the first quarter I can get out of my piggy bank that resembles.. or wait, is a coffee can) and flips it. Not the Bird, stupid shit! I flip the quarter in the air (or nickel, or dime, or penny.. depending if I used them all up) and call what team plays on each side... and it lands on the ground... the team that I said was heads or tails will be the team I root for dependent on what side is facing up. So by now you can guess that is just 50/50 odds and its not at all scientific... But fuck off... I am not disappointed and what's more I spend that quarter or whatever so its all good...

Soooo... by now you are wondering.. or probably have wondered why.. I titled this shit "Super Bowl Shovel" not "Super Bowl Shuffle".. NO, I didn't make a mistake. There is a reason if you would just keep reading on...

The biggest thing on RCM's shit list isn't the game or the absurdity that relates to professional sports (i.e. - Steroids, money, and DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE PLAYERS COMMITTING CRIME!!! I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT HERE ABOUT SOME RETARD IN IA CITY ON THE NEWS HERE TO MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE!!!!...oh yeah, more money). Rather, another issue that is catching like a wild fire or some skin rash... that being the fucking dumber than shit ads that come out around that time...

Let me fill you in : Every single fucking Super Bowl... Pepsi changes its slogan.. Coke changes its slogan... and countless upon countless of stupid, dumber that hell ads get pumped at us. These ads make us laugh at them and forget the point... they are trying to SELL SHIT at us while we laugh. They will make us remember them for as long as we can remember them.. How many Super Bowl ads do you remember? How long ago was it since you seen that ad? But here is the capper - What is it the ad is trying to pitch at us???

Everybody remembers the Budweiser Frogs.. the Whazzup ads.. and countless other gimmicks... but what makes me want to get up and do my RCM Salute (which is me grabbing my dick and sticking up my middle finger) is that people miss the point of these ads.. THESE ADS ARE SELLING SHIT!!! THE GREAT MAJORITY IS SHIT MOST PEOPLE DON'T NEED!!!!! Beer, SUVs, beer, some anti-Drug, beer, credit cards, beer, computers, beer... are we seeing a pattern here? Humm... I could be wrong but Beer certainly shows up alot here... No wait.. I am forgetting that Pepsi pretty much owns most of the block too...

Ok let me get this quite clear - I don't hate beer... I can't drink it but I don't hate it.... but what I am grabbing at here is that there is alot of beer ads during the Super Bowl.. but that I don't care about... what I DO care about is the level these ad executives and directors go to sell their shit during some game that for the most part either gets alot of fans buzzed or pissed depending on who goes there or who does not... then is forgotten for the most part till next season. It is absurd that these execs will pay $2 million to show some flash in the pan singer push there new sloganed pop... NEWS FLASH SHIT HEADS - RCM Drinks whatever he fucking wants when it comes to soda... and if it was safe to do so, I'd drink Draino... I don't fucking care that Brittany "Next to do Madonna's sex shit" Spears drinks Pepsi... I'll drink it if its on sale at the food store.. And odds are Brittany Spears don't drink your shit anyways.. she only drinks it because you paid her more than she is worth (RCM estimates - $2/hr & $5 for oral - and that is still too pricey in my book for her) to say she drinks it!

But what tears my ass apart and makes me want to fart fire everywhere is how the ads are copied AFTER the "Big Game".. its like its a preview of coming stupidity from the makers of every dumb product out there... Nike, Pepsi, Dell (hey.. I shouldn't diss them.. this computer is Dell...), Budweiser, the list goes on and on... they want to see what gets a reaction out of you and they keep pushing and pushing till next year... Its like these ads are the button that if you press gives ya a food pellet in a lab experiment.. and these execs spend millions and billions to see what will make you press that button. You buy some new sloganed soda that has been around forever and buy it with some credit card you got and take it home in some new SUV gas hog and put it next to some fast food artery clogger in a refridge that you got at Sears.... Sounds like you are a corporate bitch more and more...

Its like this.. besides RCM making probably no sense... The problem here lays with commercialism.. the whole "I got to buy the shit on TV or I won't look like I am not hip" bull shit that has been layed on us since fuck knows when. My life isn't dependent on anything they will advertise at that fucking game.. and I know the money spent on the damn ads could have fed every single starving person in the US during the game... But NOOO.. lets have people spend themselves to debt and end up starving while we push this new piece of shit.. Lets make them believe its hip and cool to have it... Fuck that shit and fuck you!!! I have something you don't, TV ad execs... its called a BRAIN.. mind you I put it to waste everyday, but still... I will buy and get what I WANT to buy and get because I WANT TO NOT because some American One Hit Wonder Idol endorses your shit. If I do buy and get your shit, its because I WANT TO, and not because of some retard ass ad.

I don't do things "Hip" or "Cool" and don't plan on ever. Last time I checked, nobody cared if you drank a Pepsi or wore Nike shit.. and if so it was brief.. Forgotten in like 1 minute... The point is that these ads feed you so much shit and nobody notices that these are what they really are - Ads.. Overpriced, overproduced, overdone Ads... Its just sad that people actually look forward to the ads over the game.. so that shovel is really something I want to slap these producers of these ads with...hopefully knock some sense into them, however it'd help if sense was actually there...

So in closing, remember that when you see those ads during the Super Bowl, you are viewing an ad that you will see or a derivative of for the next 12 months or so. That you should buy things you NEED not because its "cool" and that what you buy says nothing more about you than what is already known... maybe it also says you spend way too much...

Oh yeah.. who is RCM rooting for this year? Humm... Who the fuck is playing and where is my piggy coffee can bank??? Hope theres a quarter in there....