I just come to do the Super Bowl Shovel...
Ahh yess... The Super Bowl. The time of year your foaming mad monkey actually gives a shit about Football... Where dreams are made and broken, I believe.. of course if your life depends on a fucking dumb game, then I'd have to say you live a sad and pointless life.. but thats just me and I am insane....
So how does your partner in insanity decide what team to root for considering I have no team in particular I like? RCM gets out his lucky quarter (the first quarter I can get out of my piggy bank that resembles.. or wait, is a coffee can) and flips it. Not the Bird, stupid shit! I flip the quarter in the air (or nickel, or dime, or penny.. depending if I used them all up) and call what team plays on each side... and it lands on the ground... the team that I said was heads or tails will be the team I root for dependent on what side is facing up. So by now you can guess that is just 50/50 odds and its not at all scientific... But fuck off... I am not disappointed and what's more I spend that quarter or whatever so its all good...
Soooo... by now you are wondering.. or probably have wondered why.. I titled this shit "Super Bowl Shovel" not "Super Bowl Shuffle".. NO, I didn't make a mistake. There is a reason if you would just keep reading on...
The biggest thing on RCM's shit list isn't the game or the absurdity that relates to professional sports (i.e. - Steroids, money, and DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE PLAYERS COMMITTING CRIME!!! I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT HERE ABOUT SOME RETARD IN IA CITY ON THE NEWS HERE TO MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE!!!!...oh yeah, more money). Rather, another issue that is catching like a wild fire or some skin rash... that being the fucking dumber than shit ads that come out around that time...
Let me fill you in : Every single fucking Super Bowl... Pepsi changes its slogan.. Coke changes its slogan... and countless upon countless of stupid, dumber that hell ads get pumped at us. These ads make us laugh at them and forget the point... they are trying to SELL SHIT at us while we laugh. They will make us remember them for as long as we can remember them.. How many Super Bowl ads do you remember? How long ago was it since you seen that ad? But here is the capper - What is it the ad is trying to pitch at us???
Everybody remembers the Budweiser Frogs.. the Whazzup ads.. and countless other gimmicks... but what makes me want to get up and do my RCM Salute (which is me grabbing my dick and sticking up my middle finger) is that people miss the point of these ads.. THESE ADS ARE SELLING SHIT!!! THE GREAT MAJORITY IS SHIT MOST PEOPLE DON'T NEED!!!!! Beer, SUVs, beer, some anti-Drug, beer, credit cards, beer, computers, beer... are we seeing a pattern here? Humm... I could be wrong but Beer certainly shows up alot here... No wait.. I am forgetting that Pepsi pretty much owns most of the block too...
Ok let me get this quite clear - I don't hate beer... I can't drink it but I don't hate it.... but what I am grabbing at here is that there is alot of beer ads during the Super Bowl.. but that I don't care about... what I DO care about is the level these ad executives and directors go to sell their shit during some game that for the most part either gets alot of fans buzzed or pissed depending on who goes there or who does not... then is forgotten for the most part till next season. It is absurd that these execs will pay $2 million to show some flash in the pan singer push there new sloganed pop... NEWS FLASH SHIT HEADS - RCM Drinks whatever he fucking wants when it comes to soda... and if it was safe to do so, I'd drink Draino... I don't fucking care that Brittany "Next to do Madonna's sex shit" Spears drinks Pepsi... I'll drink it if its on sale at the food store.. And odds are Brittany Spears don't drink your shit anyways.. she only drinks it because you paid her more than she is worth (RCM estimates - $2/hr & $5 for oral - and that is still too pricey in my book for her) to say she drinks it!
But what tears my ass apart and makes me want to fart fire everywhere is how the ads are copied AFTER the "Big Game".. its like its a preview of coming stupidity from the makers of every dumb product out there... Nike, Pepsi, Dell (hey.. I shouldn't diss them.. this computer is Dell...), Budweiser, the list goes on and on... they want to see what gets a reaction out of you and they keep pushing and pushing till next year... Its like these ads are the button that if you press gives ya a food pellet in a lab experiment.. and these execs spend millions and billions to see what will make you press that button. You buy some new sloganed soda that has been around forever and buy it with some credit card you got and take it home in some new SUV gas hog and put it next to some fast food artery clogger in a refridge that you got at Sears.... Sounds like you are a corporate bitch more and more...
Its like this.. besides RCM making probably no sense... The problem here lays with commercialism.. the whole "I got to buy the shit on TV or I won't look like I am not hip" bull shit that has been layed on us since fuck knows when. My life isn't dependent on anything they will advertise at that fucking game.. and I know the money spent on the damn ads could have fed every single starving person in the US during the game... But NOOO.. lets have people spend themselves to debt and end up starving while we push this new piece of shit.. Lets make them believe its hip and cool to have it... Fuck that shit and fuck you!!! I have something you don't, TV ad execs... its called a BRAIN.. mind you I put it to waste everyday, but still... I will buy and get what I WANT to buy and get because I WANT TO NOT because some American One Hit Wonder Idol endorses your shit. If I do buy and get your shit, its because I WANT TO, and not because of some retard ass ad.
I don't do things "Hip" or "Cool" and don't plan on ever. Last time I checked, nobody cared if you drank a Pepsi or wore Nike shit.. and if so it was brief.. Forgotten in like 1 minute... The point is that these ads feed you so much shit and nobody notices that these are what they really are - Ads.. Overpriced, overproduced, overdone Ads... Its just sad that people actually look forward to the ads over the game.. so that shovel is really something I want to slap these producers of these ads with...hopefully knock some sense into them, however it'd help if sense was actually there...
So in closing, remember that when you see those ads during the Super Bowl, you are viewing an ad that you will see or a derivative of for the next 12 months or so. That you should buy things you NEED not because its "cool" and that what you buy says nothing more about you than what is already known... maybe it also says you spend way too much...
Oh yeah.. who is RCM rooting for this year? Humm... Who the fuck is playing and where is my piggy coffee can bank??? Hope theres a quarter in there....
So how does your partner in insanity decide what team to root for considering I have no team in particular I like? RCM gets out his lucky quarter (the first quarter I can get out of my piggy bank that resembles.. or wait, is a coffee can) and flips it. Not the Bird, stupid shit! I flip the quarter in the air (or nickel, or dime, or penny.. depending if I used them all up) and call what team plays on each side... and it lands on the ground... the team that I said was heads or tails will be the team I root for dependent on what side is facing up. So by now you can guess that is just 50/50 odds and its not at all scientific... But fuck off... I am not disappointed and what's more I spend that quarter or whatever so its all good...
Soooo... by now you are wondering.. or probably have wondered why.. I titled this shit "Super Bowl Shovel" not "Super Bowl Shuffle".. NO, I didn't make a mistake. There is a reason if you would just keep reading on...
The biggest thing on RCM's shit list isn't the game or the absurdity that relates to professional sports (i.e. - Steroids, money, and DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE PLAYERS COMMITTING CRIME!!! I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT HERE ABOUT SOME RETARD IN IA CITY ON THE NEWS HERE TO MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE!!!!...oh yeah, more money). Rather, another issue that is catching like a wild fire or some skin rash... that being the fucking dumber than shit ads that come out around that time...
Let me fill you in : Every single fucking Super Bowl... Pepsi changes its slogan.. Coke changes its slogan... and countless upon countless of stupid, dumber that hell ads get pumped at us. These ads make us laugh at them and forget the point... they are trying to SELL SHIT at us while we laugh. They will make us remember them for as long as we can remember them.. How many Super Bowl ads do you remember? How long ago was it since you seen that ad? But here is the capper - What is it the ad is trying to pitch at us???
Everybody remembers the Budweiser Frogs.. the Whazzup ads.. and countless other gimmicks... but what makes me want to get up and do my RCM Salute (which is me grabbing my dick and sticking up my middle finger) is that people miss the point of these ads.. THESE ADS ARE SELLING SHIT!!! THE GREAT MAJORITY IS SHIT MOST PEOPLE DON'T NEED!!!!! Beer, SUVs, beer, some anti-Drug, beer, credit cards, beer, computers, beer... are we seeing a pattern here? Humm... I could be wrong but Beer certainly shows up alot here... No wait.. I am forgetting that Pepsi pretty much owns most of the block too...
Ok let me get this quite clear - I don't hate beer... I can't drink it but I don't hate it.... but what I am grabbing at here is that there is alot of beer ads during the Super Bowl.. but that I don't care about... what I DO care about is the level these ad executives and directors go to sell their shit during some game that for the most part either gets alot of fans buzzed or pissed depending on who goes there or who does not... then is forgotten for the most part till next season. It is absurd that these execs will pay $2 million to show some flash in the pan singer push there new sloganed pop... NEWS FLASH SHIT HEADS - RCM Drinks whatever he fucking wants when it comes to soda... and if it was safe to do so, I'd drink Draino... I don't fucking care that Brittany "Next to do Madonna's sex shit" Spears drinks Pepsi... I'll drink it if its on sale at the food store.. And odds are Brittany Spears don't drink your shit anyways.. she only drinks it because you paid her more than she is worth (RCM estimates - $2/hr & $5 for oral - and that is still too pricey in my book for her) to say she drinks it!
But what tears my ass apart and makes me want to fart fire everywhere is how the ads are copied AFTER the "Big Game".. its like its a preview of coming stupidity from the makers of every dumb product out there... Nike, Pepsi, Dell (hey.. I shouldn't diss them.. this computer is Dell...), Budweiser, the list goes on and on... they want to see what gets a reaction out of you and they keep pushing and pushing till next year... Its like these ads are the button that if you press gives ya a food pellet in a lab experiment.. and these execs spend millions and billions to see what will make you press that button. You buy some new sloganed soda that has been around forever and buy it with some credit card you got and take it home in some new SUV gas hog and put it next to some fast food artery clogger in a refridge that you got at Sears.... Sounds like you are a corporate bitch more and more...
Its like this.. besides RCM making probably no sense... The problem here lays with commercialism.. the whole "I got to buy the shit on TV or I won't look like I am not hip" bull shit that has been layed on us since fuck knows when. My life isn't dependent on anything they will advertise at that fucking game.. and I know the money spent on the damn ads could have fed every single starving person in the US during the game... But NOOO.. lets have people spend themselves to debt and end up starving while we push this new piece of shit.. Lets make them believe its hip and cool to have it... Fuck that shit and fuck you!!! I have something you don't, TV ad execs... its called a BRAIN.. mind you I put it to waste everyday, but still... I will buy and get what I WANT to buy and get because I WANT TO NOT because some American One Hit Wonder Idol endorses your shit. If I do buy and get your shit, its because I WANT TO, and not because of some retard ass ad.
I don't do things "Hip" or "Cool" and don't plan on ever. Last time I checked, nobody cared if you drank a Pepsi or wore Nike shit.. and if so it was brief.. Forgotten in like 1 minute... The point is that these ads feed you so much shit and nobody notices that these are what they really are - Ads.. Overpriced, overproduced, overdone Ads... Its just sad that people actually look forward to the ads over the game.. so that shovel is really something I want to slap these producers of these ads with...hopefully knock some sense into them, however it'd help if sense was actually there...
So in closing, remember that when you see those ads during the Super Bowl, you are viewing an ad that you will see or a derivative of for the next 12 months or so. That you should buy things you NEED not because its "cool" and that what you buy says nothing more about you than what is already known... maybe it also says you spend way too much...
Oh yeah.. who is RCM rooting for this year? Humm... Who the fuck is playing and where is my piggy coffee can bank??? Hope theres a quarter in there....
posted by Rabid Cheese Monkey at 10:43 PM
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