American "False" Idol - Who wants to be the next One Hit Wonder?
Howdy all ya infected with rabies fans of mine... and fuck all ya haters twice... Time for this weeks bite from your rabid monkey up in a tree who loves cheese, pussy, and... cheese...
Ok... I have discovered something amazing while up in my tree... see I discovered that TV has more shit on besides my regular shows. Those regular shows being all 3 CSIs, CBS News, Red Dwarf, Red Green, Doctor Who, and Andromeda (Woolvett and Bertram look soooo cute together).... I discovered that there is shit on... and by shit I mean MAJOR shit.. Shit that makes me want to go and bitch and dick slap the makers of these shows soooo hard, they will have permanent hand and mushroom prints on them. That shit being over Reality TV.. More specifically American Idol...
Ok, in case you have been like me (besides being rabid and insane...) and not give a fuck about television, let me fill you in on what this donkey cluster fuck show this is : Its a show where a bunch of people go and sing... and after 3 judges say their shit... people vote which one will be the winner. This "winner" will be the next "American Idol" and will live in the halls of music like Eminem, Michael Jackson (and NO I WILL NOT comment about that trial.. I am going to do the intelligent thing and WAIT till the verdict comes out to decide IF he is guilty or not) and Elvis... somebody we will think of when it comes to music.. this "winner" will live the life of a real idol...
OK ENOUGH FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!! ONTO SINKING MY TEETH INTO THAT SHOW AND INFECTING IT WITH THE RABIES AND INSANITY I HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For starters... [wind up and the pitch.... ] I have this to say about these "potential Idols"... THE TRUTH IS - WIN, LOSE OR DRAW, THESE FALSE IDOLS WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING!!! THEY ARE GOING TO LIVE THE LIFE OF A IDOL ALRIGHT... A FUCKING ONE HIT BLUNDER IDOL THAT IS!!!! [ ....and its out of the park!!!!! ] Jesus titty fucking Christ... I have never in my insane, rabid life seen such a farce before. Ok, so they can sing? SO FUCKING WHAT?! They look great? SO FUCKING WHAT?! They got voted to go on in some game show? SO FUCKING WHAT?! Well... they... Yes?... They... Got voted by the national public as the next American Idol? Well...Ok..SO MUTHA FUCKING WHAT?!!! Is this registering in your head yet? It doesn't matter if they can sing, dance, and get voted as the next "idol"... what matters isn't all that shit... ITS WHAT THEY SING AND HOW THEY SING THAT MATTERS AND OF COURSE THE BIGGEST ENEMY OF ALL - TIME!!!!
See, what people forget is that "American Idols" are BOTH MADE AND BORN.. they aren't just "Hey you won a game show.. you're now the number one person in America because America says so..." No, people that become idols like Eminem and Ashanti had to do something these wantabes didn't do... they HAD TO WORK FOR IT!!! They had to work, refine, work, rewrite, work, restage, work, rework, work... oh and for Christmas? You fucking guessed it! They WORKED! Nothing these Karioke Contest Winners did...oh no.. they just did their monkey dance on a stage.. got judged by 2 has beens and 1 guy who suffers from Smallpenisitius and even HE don't know jack shit about music.. and had America, who has the attention span of a nat and the collective IQ of my rabies foam, vote who sucks the most then vote for who sung the best... oh yes... these "idols" worked soooo hard.... NO FUCK THAT FUCKING [Swear-A-Thon©] SHIT IN THE ASS!!! THIS JUST PROVES HOW RIGHT I AM... THESE "IDOLS" WORKED HARD AT NOTHING.. IT WAS JUST HANDED TO THEM, AND THUS WILL BE FORGOTTEN JUST AS FAST!!!
Even IF it was just handed to them, there needs to be more to them than just "they won a game show".. that being some key essential that they don't have... that is TALENT!!! See, people like Kelly Clarkson and Clay Akien (who BTW DIDN'T WIN the second American Blow Job Idol.. yet got more reconition than the winner...) are nothing more than brain dead retarded puppets that have to have music WRITTEN FOR THEM in order for their so called talent to be seen... Whatever music is written for them, they will sing even if their musical style goes up and down like the dicks they had to suck to get there. So, that means they WILL NEVER have a set style for reconition.. they just keep going with the flow and won't go against it otherwise they will be heading for Obsurityville faster than they got there... and thats IF they survive the next "American Dick Sucker Idol" season and are remembered. People that ARE ACTUAL idols DON'T GET SPOON FED 1/1,000,000th THE SAME WAY THESE POSERS ARE. Look at everybody that came before it... Most, if not all, had to both sing AND write their shit... and whats more they stayed with one style a long ass time before going another way. Not this "Ok, today my monkey, your song will be a pseudo-punk rock song. Tomorrow, you will sing a dance floor song before next week you sing country..." fucking shit these bums do... they follow the pop trend TOO DAMN CLOSE to MAKE a trend.
Biggest catch before they get to that point is they have to go through the "Judges"... Simon "Tiny Knob" Cowell, Paula "Was a Crack Whore before this"Abdoul, and Randy 'Rejected by the Fat Boys because he was too damn fat' Jackson. OH HOLY DONKEY SHOW ON A LANDMINE FIELD! THOSE 3 JUST REEK "ABLE TO FIND TALENT"... AND IF YOU BUY THAT SHIT, THEN I GOT AN OCEAN VIEW UP IN MY TREE NEXT TO ELVIS AND JIMMY HOFFA!!! THOSE 3 RETARDED CHIMPS COULDN'T FIND TALENT EVEN IF I PUT THE WORD 'TALENT' ON A POST-IT NOTE AND STUCK IT TO THEIR ASSES!!!! Let me bust this shit down and when I find pics of these 3 ass cum tarts and know how to put them on this shit.. (I know HTML.. not so familiar about this Blog deal...) I'll stick them to their bite...
Ass-Tard #1) Simon Cowell - Ok the only shit he's got going for him is his mean ass remarks... Hey, I say you're a fuck head with a dick so small God thought it was a hair and was about this close of ripping it off ya... Don't see me on TV.. Guess you don't like it when the shit is aimed your way... You can dish it out, but don't want to take it like a man.. I guess if I had a dick your size, I'd be pissed at my lot in life too...
Ass-Tard #2) Paula Abdoul - Oh fuck me running with boiling lava and broken glass... What a perfect way to find a potential idol for the masses than by getting the advice of a has been one-hit wonder? Guess they want everybody to see what they will end up being 10 years from now... I'd think it would discourage them.. but I guess the prospect of being on crack or being the blunt of jokes don't dawn on anybody till its too late....
Ass-Tard #3) Randy Jackson - God... I think my Leach brother said all that could be said about this tub of retarded lard... This guy speaks that ebonics crap.. and does it poorly and unconvincing too... Also, this guy resembles what happens when your career goal changes from "getting a album to sell at least 1 copy" to "Getting 25 Super Mega Sized meals down in 5 mins"
So... Judging by this panel of half wits... I'd say they are perfect to select the next person that will revolutionize the music industry.... ok maybe not... I wouldn't trust these three to pick the next meal to eat.. mainly because Randy Jackson would eat it all before anybody else would get it...
Ok so once they get picked by these 3 clueless judges they get voted by the audience... the entire audience that is bothering to watch the show or are sooo bored they would watch paint dry. NOW THAT is a feat of stupidity if I EVER saw one... See, the US has the attention span of a nat when it comes to Popular shit... its here today and everybody loves it...then when some new shit comes along BLAM! its over!!! Next thing you know these singers are in rehab for coke addictions and god knows what. Lord, last people I'd want to trust to pick an idol is a bunch of fanboy/girls that are sooo hopped up on the Crack known as popularity that their attention spans last only 5 min and have the memory worse than an old coot with Alzhimers. Yes.. good choice for choosing who'll be immortal for music...
Oh but the shit don't stop there... seems like the show takes delight in crushing people's feelings and hopes of becoming a musical singer. Well to those people, keep this in mind - BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THAT IS HOW MOST STARS AND REAL IDOLS STARTED OUT... BY HAVING A BUNCH OF NOBODYS TELL THEM SHIT LIKE THAT AND THEY ROSE ABOVE IT TO GIVE THEM RETARDED ASS FUCKS THE MIDDLE FINGER!!!! But naturally, all I have heard from them is bitching, whining, and complaining... Well, I know for a fact most idols didn't sit around and bitch.. they got off their ass AND TRYED AGAIN!!!! They didn't bitch they had only a limited selection of songs to sing... NO they WROTE their own and didn't depend on anybody to tell them what to sing! I guess at this rate, its a good thing you were told you sucked..we don't need another crybaby in the spotlight like Jennifer "STD Factory" Lopez.
The biggest shit pile isn't who wins or who don't or the amount of voting.. What makes me want to shit fire is what happens when they do win... that is the same thing that makes me want to bitch slap the blond out of Jessica "What hole does it go in?" Simpson and slap Nick "I don't know what a pussy hole looks like" Lashey... MOTHER FUCKING OVERKILLING OVEREXPOSURE!!!!!!! Thats right... I will hear the winner's shit played like a bazillion times on PISS FM in Des Moines (The Radio Station That Thinks The Universe Ends Outside Of Des Moines and Plays Shit Over And Over Again) and any other radio station for that matter... Its like they think that by playing it over and over again, it will burn in everybody's limited memory and make them buy the shit... Guess fucking what? NO, OVERPLAYING A SONG JUST MAKES PEOPLE NOT BUY ANYTHING AND ANNOYS THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF ME AND ANYBODY WITH A SHRED OF MUSICAL TASTE!!!!! That's why I have a prob with Destiny's Bastard Child... I heard that fucking "Survivor" song like no less than 20 times in one day... and the fuck heads at PISS FM had such a limited memory they once played it twice in a row with no recolection that they did!!! Also hearing about them on the news and on the web also gets old rather quick rather fast... I fucking don't give two shits and a fuck that Jennifer "Hollywood Prostitute" Lopez is fucking some new richie behind husband number 1,000,000.. So this "New" Retarded Idol will fall in that same category, that being "I Gives No Fuck" Category for you slow minded people...
When the dust clears and this clusterfuck is over, what is left? Has any of these jack offs won anything? So far, no they haven't won even "Shittiest Singer In History" or anything... And only that former truck stop hooker Kelly Clarkson has actually got a #1 song.. but that only lasted like a few weeks... then since then, she hasn't made it back.. and I predict unless she goes and sucks more dick and swallows, she will never hit number one again. Thus is the fate of any future Ass Fucking Receiving Idols... IF they are even remotely lucky and love the taste of dick and cum that is....
So... To tie this condom up and flush it... American Idol is nothing more than a Hollyfuckwood retarded idea and nobody that wins will ever amount to much, save an occasional one hit wonder. If you want to be an American Idol, do it the old fashion way - Work hard, stay away from shit like drugs, and use your talent with your mind to get you to that point. Don't depend on some retarded ass show with its poster child for helping the fat and retarded judges. It will be worth it when you look back and even if you are not immortalized, you will live in happiness like the Oompa Loompas and all.
And don't expect a record from your fellow partner in insanity... I can't sing and I would give everybody in the sound booth rabies anyways....
Ok... I have discovered something amazing while up in my tree... see I discovered that TV has more shit on besides my regular shows. Those regular shows being all 3 CSIs, CBS News, Red Dwarf, Red Green, Doctor Who, and Andromeda (Woolvett and Bertram look soooo cute together).... I discovered that there is shit on... and by shit I mean MAJOR shit.. Shit that makes me want to go and bitch and dick slap the makers of these shows soooo hard, they will have permanent hand and mushroom prints on them. That shit being over Reality TV.. More specifically American Idol...
Ok, in case you have been like me (besides being rabid and insane...) and not give a fuck about television, let me fill you in on what this donkey cluster fuck show this is : Its a show where a bunch of people go and sing... and after 3 judges say their shit... people vote which one will be the winner. This "winner" will be the next "American Idol" and will live in the halls of music like Eminem, Michael Jackson (and NO I WILL NOT comment about that trial.. I am going to do the intelligent thing and WAIT till the verdict comes out to decide IF he is guilty or not) and Elvis... somebody we will think of when it comes to music.. this "winner" will live the life of a real idol...
OK ENOUGH FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!! ONTO SINKING MY TEETH INTO THAT SHOW AND INFECTING IT WITH THE RABIES AND INSANITY I HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For starters... [wind up and the pitch.... ] I have this to say about these "potential Idols"... THE TRUTH IS - WIN, LOSE OR DRAW, THESE FALSE IDOLS WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING!!! THEY ARE GOING TO LIVE THE LIFE OF A IDOL ALRIGHT... A FUCKING ONE HIT BLUNDER IDOL THAT IS!!!! [ ....and its out of the park!!!!! ] Jesus titty fucking Christ... I have never in my insane, rabid life seen such a farce before. Ok, so they can sing? SO FUCKING WHAT?! They look great? SO FUCKING WHAT?! They got voted to go on in some game show? SO FUCKING WHAT?! Well... they... Yes?... They... Got voted by the national public as the next American Idol? Well...Ok..SO MUTHA FUCKING WHAT?!!! Is this registering in your head yet? It doesn't matter if they can sing, dance, and get voted as the next "idol"... what matters isn't all that shit... ITS WHAT THEY SING AND HOW THEY SING THAT MATTERS AND OF COURSE THE BIGGEST ENEMY OF ALL - TIME!!!!
See, what people forget is that "American Idols" are BOTH MADE AND BORN.. they aren't just "Hey you won a game show.. you're now the number one person in America because America says so..." No, people that become idols like Eminem and Ashanti had to do something these wantabes didn't do... they HAD TO WORK FOR IT!!! They had to work, refine, work, rewrite, work, restage, work, rework, work... oh and for Christmas? You fucking guessed it! They WORKED! Nothing these Karioke Contest Winners did...oh no.. they just did their monkey dance on a stage.. got judged by 2 has beens and 1 guy who suffers from Smallpenisitius and even HE don't know jack shit about music.. and had America, who has the attention span of a nat and the collective IQ of my rabies foam, vote who sucks the most then vote for who sung the best... oh yes... these "idols" worked soooo hard.... NO FUCK THAT FUCKING [Swear-A-Thon©] SHIT IN THE ASS!!! THIS JUST PROVES HOW RIGHT I AM... THESE "IDOLS" WORKED HARD AT NOTHING.. IT WAS JUST HANDED TO THEM, AND THUS WILL BE FORGOTTEN JUST AS FAST!!!
Even IF it was just handed to them, there needs to be more to them than just "they won a game show".. that being some key essential that they don't have... that is TALENT!!! See, people like Kelly Clarkson and Clay Akien (who BTW DIDN'T WIN the second American Blow Job Idol.. yet got more reconition than the winner...) are nothing more than brain dead retarded puppets that have to have music WRITTEN FOR THEM in order for their so called talent to be seen... Whatever music is written for them, they will sing even if their musical style goes up and down like the dicks they had to suck to get there. So, that means they WILL NEVER have a set style for reconition.. they just keep going with the flow and won't go against it otherwise they will be heading for Obsurityville faster than they got there... and thats IF they survive the next "American Dick Sucker Idol" season and are remembered. People that ARE ACTUAL idols DON'T GET SPOON FED 1/1,000,000th THE SAME WAY THESE POSERS ARE. Look at everybody that came before it... Most, if not all, had to both sing AND write their shit... and whats more they stayed with one style a long ass time before going another way. Not this "Ok, today my monkey, your song will be a pseudo-punk rock song. Tomorrow, you will sing a dance floor song before next week you sing country..." fucking shit these bums do... they follow the pop trend TOO DAMN CLOSE to MAKE a trend.
Biggest catch before they get to that point is they have to go through the "Judges"... Simon "Tiny Knob" Cowell, Paula "Was a Crack Whore before this"Abdoul, and Randy 'Rejected by the Fat Boys because he was too damn fat' Jackson. OH HOLY DONKEY SHOW ON A LANDMINE FIELD! THOSE 3 JUST REEK "ABLE TO FIND TALENT"... AND IF YOU BUY THAT SHIT, THEN I GOT AN OCEAN VIEW UP IN MY TREE NEXT TO ELVIS AND JIMMY HOFFA!!! THOSE 3 RETARDED CHIMPS COULDN'T FIND TALENT EVEN IF I PUT THE WORD 'TALENT' ON A POST-IT NOTE AND STUCK IT TO THEIR ASSES!!!! Let me bust this shit down and when I find pics of these 3 ass cum tarts and know how to put them on this shit.. (I know HTML.. not so familiar about this Blog deal...) I'll stick them to their bite...
Ass-Tard #1) Simon Cowell - Ok the only shit he's got going for him is his mean ass remarks... Hey, I say you're a fuck head with a dick so small God thought it was a hair and was about this close of ripping it off ya... Don't see me on TV.. Guess you don't like it when the shit is aimed your way... You can dish it out, but don't want to take it like a man.. I guess if I had a dick your size, I'd be pissed at my lot in life too...
Ass-Tard #2) Paula Abdoul - Oh fuck me running with boiling lava and broken glass... What a perfect way to find a potential idol for the masses than by getting the advice of a has been one-hit wonder? Guess they want everybody to see what they will end up being 10 years from now... I'd think it would discourage them.. but I guess the prospect of being on crack or being the blunt of jokes don't dawn on anybody till its too late....
Ass-Tard #3) Randy Jackson - God... I think my Leach brother said all that could be said about this tub of retarded lard... This guy speaks that ebonics crap.. and does it poorly and unconvincing too... Also, this guy resembles what happens when your career goal changes from "getting a album to sell at least 1 copy" to "Getting 25 Super Mega Sized meals down in 5 mins"
So... Judging by this panel of half wits... I'd say they are perfect to select the next person that will revolutionize the music industry.... ok maybe not... I wouldn't trust these three to pick the next meal to eat.. mainly because Randy Jackson would eat it all before anybody else would get it...
Ok so once they get picked by these 3 clueless judges they get voted by the audience... the entire audience that is bothering to watch the show or are sooo bored they would watch paint dry. NOW THAT is a feat of stupidity if I EVER saw one... See, the US has the attention span of a nat when it comes to Popular shit... its here today and everybody loves it...then when some new shit comes along BLAM! its over!!! Next thing you know these singers are in rehab for coke addictions and god knows what. Lord, last people I'd want to trust to pick an idol is a bunch of fanboy/girls that are sooo hopped up on the Crack known as popularity that their attention spans last only 5 min and have the memory worse than an old coot with Alzhimers. Yes.. good choice for choosing who'll be immortal for music...
Oh but the shit don't stop there... seems like the show takes delight in crushing people's feelings and hopes of becoming a musical singer. Well to those people, keep this in mind - BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THAT IS HOW MOST STARS AND REAL IDOLS STARTED OUT... BY HAVING A BUNCH OF NOBODYS TELL THEM SHIT LIKE THAT AND THEY ROSE ABOVE IT TO GIVE THEM RETARDED ASS FUCKS THE MIDDLE FINGER!!!! But naturally, all I have heard from them is bitching, whining, and complaining... Well, I know for a fact most idols didn't sit around and bitch.. they got off their ass AND TRYED AGAIN!!!! They didn't bitch they had only a limited selection of songs to sing... NO they WROTE their own and didn't depend on anybody to tell them what to sing! I guess at this rate, its a good thing you were told you sucked..we don't need another crybaby in the spotlight like Jennifer "STD Factory" Lopez.
The biggest shit pile isn't who wins or who don't or the amount of voting.. What makes me want to shit fire is what happens when they do win... that is the same thing that makes me want to bitch slap the blond out of Jessica "What hole does it go in?" Simpson and slap Nick "I don't know what a pussy hole looks like" Lashey... MOTHER FUCKING OVERKILLING OVEREXPOSURE!!!!!!! Thats right... I will hear the winner's shit played like a bazillion times on PISS FM in Des Moines (The Radio Station That Thinks The Universe Ends Outside Of Des Moines and Plays Shit Over And Over Again) and any other radio station for that matter... Its like they think that by playing it over and over again, it will burn in everybody's limited memory and make them buy the shit... Guess fucking what? NO, OVERPLAYING A SONG JUST MAKES PEOPLE NOT BUY ANYTHING AND ANNOYS THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF ME AND ANYBODY WITH A SHRED OF MUSICAL TASTE!!!!! That's why I have a prob with Destiny's Bastard Child... I heard that fucking "Survivor" song like no less than 20 times in one day... and the fuck heads at PISS FM had such a limited memory they once played it twice in a row with no recolection that they did!!! Also hearing about them on the news and on the web also gets old rather quick rather fast... I fucking don't give two shits and a fuck that Jennifer "Hollywood Prostitute" Lopez is fucking some new richie behind husband number 1,000,000.. So this "New" Retarded Idol will fall in that same category, that being "I Gives No Fuck" Category for you slow minded people...
When the dust clears and this clusterfuck is over, what is left? Has any of these jack offs won anything? So far, no they haven't won even "Shittiest Singer In History" or anything... And only that former truck stop hooker Kelly Clarkson has actually got a #1 song.. but that only lasted like a few weeks... then since then, she hasn't made it back.. and I predict unless she goes and sucks more dick and swallows, she will never hit number one again. Thus is the fate of any future Ass Fucking Receiving Idols... IF they are even remotely lucky and love the taste of dick and cum that is....
So... To tie this condom up and flush it... American Idol is nothing more than a Hollyfuckwood retarded idea and nobody that wins will ever amount to much, save an occasional one hit wonder. If you want to be an American Idol, do it the old fashion way - Work hard, stay away from shit like drugs, and use your talent with your mind to get you to that point. Don't depend on some retarded ass show with its poster child for helping the fat and retarded judges. It will be worth it when you look back and even if you are not immortalized, you will live in happiness like the Oompa Loompas and all.
And don't expect a record from your fellow partner in insanity... I can't sing and I would give everybody in the sound booth rabies anyways....
posted by Rabid Cheese Monkey at 3:10 PM
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