Rabid Cheese Monkey's Insaneatarium

RCM Runs Rabid Again!

2008-06-18T10:49:00.000-07:00

Howdy Ho all you invisible fans! Yeah, I know it has been a few years.. ok fuck you, been 2 years, 6 months and fuck knows how many days I have bit the world with my rabies. But go fuck yourself. Nobody has read, commented, or I highly doubt know I exist so I have really have not been motivated to write.... that and:

1) School got in the way

2) I really have mellowed out.. more on that next...

3) In January of this year, I moved my tree and shit to a new state.

4) Nothing of interest to rant about.... that and good old antidepressants along with going through SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome being the culprit of my rage has made me less of a rabid monkey.. but still the good ol' Governor of the State of Insanity!

Ok.. Let me get on the very second one... fuck the order. Ok, I had a Myspace Account that I thought I could make a derivative of this with it's blogging abilities..... Well... That turned out to be a HUGE ASS MISTAKE. See, I learned quickly that people may not read my shit here, THEY DO ON MYSPACE. To make a long ass story short, I ranted about a friend, and I mean an honest to God true blue friend, and he read it. Well, if you did read what I said, you may imagine he'd want to kick my ass. Hell, I scared most of the people around my tree (hee..hee..)To shorten a long ass explanation, he did not but he did make me realize I was out of control. After that I gave up blogging.

I learned a huge lesson thanks in part to my friend.... Not to judge people and to be fair. I thank God he didn't kick my ass as his rising above and calling bullshit on me was more effective than any ass kicking would. I will always regret what I said, even though he forgave me I still feel the regret and feel I will never forgive myself for my stupidity and will have to answer to God about this.

Anyways, even though I have been gone, I have gone through quite a bit. Still up in a tree but in a brand new location. Still rabid and loving cheese and pussy. Not working at a gas station anymore, but as a PC Tech at a company that is low key but still good. Still hating the Retardicans and Dipshitacrats along with HollyRetardWood. Just now a little more mellower since I got meds and oh yeah - getting some...That is right.. Good ol' RCM has a woman. Granted not the crazy one that caused me to move but a nice gal... taking it slow with her so it will pan out. So I guess things happen for a reason., eh?

If anything changes, I'll let ya Rabidteers know. Feels good to be back, but I may not be the same. I have mellowed but only by .001%. Thank God this is an election year and there is lots to rant about... Believe me my fellow imaginary followers - THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!

So for now, this has been a RCM update. So stock up on Anti-Rabies Antidotes, cuz I am back and ready to bite and dickslap again!

2006 - Year of the Rabid Cheese Monkey

2006-01-05T00:26:00.000-08:00

Howdy ho you invisible or visible Rabid Cheese Monkey Fans! Start of a new year for all of us. How did your Partner in Insanity start the new year? In bed in my tree, sick as a dog. Ah well, some might think that may be a sign this year will be a shitty year. I say to that - Fuck that, I am not into that superstitious bull shit. This year will be no shittier than other years, so what's the difference? Now I could do a 2005 Year In Bites And Dick Welts... but fuck that shit too (although I was sorely tempted to do so.) I am not going to bore you with that bullshit. What I am going to is rant. Preach my gospel to my fellow Insaniteers!

Without further adieu....

Lately not much has irked me into a Cuss-A-Thon©. Ok I am bullshitting. Seems like some of the topics I have mentioned before have caused me to get my blood boiling again. Oh wait, if I just stop sitting on this hot plate.... Ok, now I could add a new verse to the "On the road of life there are may assholes" about this former HS football player turned meth head and drunk that works for some unknown company that said I wasn't intelligent and a bunch of other shit. But I figure to just say "Fuck that loser" and move on. Besides I don't know him from shit and only way I'd be able to ID him in a crowd is to smell where the booze or meth is coming from. I could rant on about how JEL and their newest retarded tactics. But I know eventually Ballsack will need to think about Valentines day and get McGreedy or his newest gay love fling something, so the money JEL needs will be smoked [badum ching!] away. Oh I could speak oodles about Fat Gay Bob. But I know his day of the apocalypse is coming so no sense in wasting my time over that shit. Should I complain nobody reads this shit? Fuck no. I don't give a fuck. I could rebitch about bitches, but again there is no need to do that.

Soo.. How about this? I DON'T rant. Why not, for a change, say something good? Like my 2 Days After New Year's Resolutions maybe? Ok:

I will not bite anybody and give them rabies... will do so anyways, but it sounds good.
Lose 5 pounds and go from a tub of lard to a muscle bound monkey with extra rabies.
Get some cheese.
Get some pussy.
Have the ones who are against me get some nasty VD, the clinics be out of meds and die in unfortunate painful ways. (This is the same one I have had for the last 16 years)
If that don't happen, somebody just beat the shit out of them till they die or wish they would. (Again a rehash of years prior)
Go to a Super Bowl.. Remember I am not a football fan... don't get a ticket and don't give a fuck.
Wake each day wanting to be a game designer so I can cruze back to this shit hole of a town totally pimpin with cash to by any bitch in this hole.
Be somewhere else when a shit hole of a town in Montana mysteriously and spontaneously blows up.
Be caught, be delcared "insane and rabid" by the Judge. Few hours later, everybody in the court room from Judge to Janitor in line for rabies antidote with dick and hand welts.
Beat Satan in Ice Hockey.
Find that woman that actually wants an adorable rabid monkey that likes cheese. Go back to #4 for what happens after that.
Tell the world I found the way to world peace. Sell it to interested parties. Get busted for selling pot.
Go to the Office of Youth Tobacco Prevention (the real JEL).. they end up in the line for rabies antidotes with dick and hand welts just behind the Judge.
Have them pass a law that says you CAN kill idiots... 3 seconds later get restraining orders from all of Hollywood.
Go to the San Andreas fault and see if I can't expedite the "big one".
Wake up each morning and realize how great life is. That today will be great and things will go well....
... only to remember life sucks and then we die. That God uses me as his personal latrine and I will die alone, rabid and ignored by all. Starts to wonder if I am manic depressive....
To fucking say the mother fucking word fuck as fucking many motherfucking times I fucking can... Ok that was dumb even by my standards....
To tell my family, friends, fans of this site, and close ones "I love you" at least once a day... And tell anybody else "Fuck you!" once a day. The real assholes end up in line next to #14 and #10.

So that is my 2 Days After New Year's Resolutions. So far I have done well. Nobody is hurt or in jail. Also the last I checked I wasn't wanted in any state for any reason. The year is young and I have plenty of time to fuck around. Last year could have been better... so could the year before... and the year before... and the year before... Ok you get the point.

I don't get these New Years Resolutions anyways. They are a list of things you want to do, but won't because you are too drunk at Midnight to even know what a list is. Guess its to make us feel better we are failing to meet our expectations and want to change it this year the same way we tryed last year. Ah well... just remember: You don't have to make achievable goals at the stroke of midnight on 1/1/2006 to succeed. You can do that anytime you want and can do it if you put all your might into it.

So Happy New Years my Partners in Insanity. Now give me your cheese tray or I will give you rabies and you will be in a long line for the antidote.

One, Two, Three, What Are We Fighting For? Answer - SHUT THE FUCK UP!

2005-12-27T12:40:00.000-08:00

Howdy Ho all you Rabid Cheese Monkey Fans... And yes I am insane greeting the invisible fans that I have. But fuck you. I don't give a shit. Anyways, on the off chance I do have people reading my shit and if you have been wondering where the fuck I have been, I lost internet and got fucked over by my phone company. However, fuck all that. I am back and here to bite my rabies into people.

So by now you know that the US is at war and babble babble babble.... Already you know that el Presidente is considered a war monger and mother fucking pussies are protesting it like they did a billion years ago (circa 1960's)... Dumb shits like Michael "Too Fat For My Car" Moore and the stupid shits in HollyRetardoWood are taking up the cause to protest this war... People are declaring it the "2000's Vietnam".... And so on and so forth...

To this I say : WHAT THE FUCKING COCK SUCKING SAM HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU RETARDED PEOPLE?!!! ARE YOU SO [Cuss-A-Thon©] FUCKING STUPID THAT WE FORGET THE PAST SOOO FAST AND ARE SO STUPID WE COMPARER THIS WAR WITH A REAL DOOSY OF A WAR?!!!

Fucking Hell... The war we are having now is NOWHERE NEAR what Vietnam was! So far we have lost 2,500 in the time we have been there.... The Vietnam war had MUCH HIGHER CASUALTIES IN A MUCH SHORTER TIME. In the time the Vietnam war had there were over 58 THOUSAND dead... not a paltry 2,000 dead.... so by my guess... that would be about 14,000 dead per year. Still no where NEAR the 2,500 dead over the course of 2 years. Now, I am not saying death means nothing... but the fact we as a society are so stupid that we think 2,500 dead is major and is a blood bath is a sad commentary about how weak the US has gotten.. No thanks to retards that hang out in Hollywood.

Let me put it to you this way - If somebody broke into your house and stole just a quarter, would you raise hell over it? No... the FuckWood Retards would.. of course they would come up with some shit like "well its because somebody broke in and...." distracting you from the fact they are pissed somebody stole a quarter... a quarter they probably have billions of in a bank. Distracting you from the fact the lesser than shit intelligence celebrities have lost a quarter and are covetous about wealth no matter how trivial. Now, lets get something quite clear here - even one lost life is horrendous, however these solders knew the risk involved. How honorable their deaths are by hearing fucking retards like Michael "Too Fat For Intelligence" Moore call their deaths "a cover up" or other assholes in Hollywood a lost cause.

Or worse.... Calling the war a plot for people to get rich! WHAT THE FUCK!?!!! Have dip shits like the ones we call "Celebrities" FORGOTTEN what this asshole Saddam Hussein (from this moment on called Sodomy Insane) has done?! This war is a "Get Him Before He Gets US" war. Oh yeah.. They have oil there... Yes there was no Weapons of Mass Destruction there... but have we forgotten that the bastard USED weapons of Mass destruction BEFORE?! Oh no.. fuckers like Michael "Too Fat For The Truth" Moore want us to forget that and think of Sodomy Insane as the best man to get to know... that he is somebody you'd want to have as your next door neighbor... To that I say WHAT THE [Cuss-A-Thon©] IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!! Man... Is America THAT stupid that we are so easily deceived by a bunch of people that totally abuse the First Admendment?!

Now, don't get me wrong... George W. "Nu-cu-lar" Bush isn't Mr. Heaven Sent... Bush is far from being the sharpest tool in the shed. He also has made mistakes that I think are horrendous. For example - spying on people without consent of the courts... Going to war with half ass intelligence... Endorsing torture... but least we forget - WE PUT THE RETARD THERE!!!!! I guess we were put between a rock and a hard place.... it was either him or an equally retarded person. This has nothing to do with Retardicans or Dipshitacrats....Liberal or Conservative, we all get ass raped equally regardless of who or what is in office. Of course the shit eaters in HollyRetardWood go for a Democrat with outstanding accuracy... but maybe that should show you how NOT to vote because of retards like this. But, like women being attracted to assholes, people do the most outlandish and dumbass shit to ever be conceived. Well at least we get some comic relief out of the whole mess...

I guess people forget that once upon a time we were attacked by terrorist. That we are not as safe as we want to think. We have diluteded ourselves into thinking that just because we live in America that we are as secure as Fort Knox. Even after 9/11/2001 we have yet to wake up and realize that there ARE people in the world that would rather kill us than look at us. That just because we have all these rights we can just forget fighting for them. That Talk means more than Action (like Fat Gay Bob and his "all talk and no action" stance). Terrorist like the Al Qaida would rather talk than suicide bomb us. Ok, if you believe this shit like these "Peace" retards, then I must apologize to the Retarded Community... they are GENIUSES COMPAREDED TO YOU STUPID BASTARDS!!!! NO the Al Qaida will NOT talk to us... THEY WANT TO KILL US PURE AND SIMPLE! NO Sodomy Insane DOES NOT want peace between us and him. All he sees the US for is more land and stupid bitches for his boys to fuck. He can have the stupid bitches for all I care, but take my tree and you are dead boy! All of these Terrorists stupid shits LAUGH AT RETARDS LIKE YOU THAT SAY THINGS LIKE MICHAEL "TOO FAT FOR MY DIAPER" MOORE OR HAVE YOUR SON DIE IN THIS WAR AND PROTEST AGAINST IT!!!!! Guess what? THEY WERE RIGHT WHEN THEY SAY WE HAVE NO STOMACH FOR BLOOD WHEN WE COMPARE THIS WAR TO AN ACTUAL WAR LIKE VIETNAM!!!!

Ignoring them isn't going to help. Talking isn't going to amount to shit. Leaving now will mean we gave up, giving them another reason to laugh and gloat. So what do we do? WE KICK THEIR FUCKING ASS!!!! What other choice do we have? Society will not last if we keep doing like the ostrichge and hiding our heads when bad things come along. Yes, I do not want to see people die, but freedom has always come with a cost. As long as we can rest knowing there are people out there willing to die to defend the freedoms, no matter how many times its been abused, then we will stand tall. We will be victorious regardless of how much blood was shed. Even when Michael "Too Fat To See My 1/4" Erect Dick" Moore abuses these rights, at least somebody died in order for the shit he speaks to be said. Granted, Bush is a greedy fuck, but at least he has the ol' Texas spirit "Don't Mess With The US" and is willing to be a sacrifice to the polls of the retards.

I hope that one day we can look back and say "What the [Cuss-A-Thon©] fuck were we thinking listening to HollyShit and believing that Peace only comes sometimes through sacrifice and not by being retarded or weak?" I also believe that one day women will realize that nice guys are the best for them and that they were fools for being attracted to scum. But like what I am starting to believe about women (That they are either Bitches, Hoes, or Retarded), it won't happen any time soon....

So God (yes GOD you retards in the ACLU!) bless this messed up and fucked up society. Bless those who will lay their lives down in order for fuckers like Michael "Too Fat For TV" Moore to mock your sacrifice. Bless those who realize that this has nothing to do with political parties that are at each others throats and more to do with our safety. Finally, bless those who know what follows the phrase "United We Stand", that being "Divided We Fall"... because thanks to the Dipshiticans, Retardicrats, and HollyRetardWood we ARE divided....

And we all fall down!

On The Road Of Life, There Are Many Assholes...

2005-09-20T22:45:00.000-07:00

Welcome back all you fellow RCM Fans... Like I fucking care if I have any. Anyways, today we are taking a road trip on the road of dreams and I am going to discuss about the many assholes we encounter along the way. I am NOT talking about assholes that gladly show you where the sky is with their middle finger, I am talking about pathetic losers who have failed in their own life and want to see you do the same.

Ok for those out there that didn't know... and that's probably everybody... I want to be a game designer. I am currently in an online college to do so. However, the fact that I am on the road trip to my dreams has not sat well with a few fucking assholes. Let me do the Rabid Cheese Monkey Play-By-Bite List and tell you the potholes in the road that I just call assholes:

My Ex-Brother-In-Law and closet homosexual told me one night that I was WRONG to chose my dreams over my ex-wife if she DID NOT support me in them. He said also that he had to throw away his for his wife (who is the queen bitch of that family). He wanted to be a cop. He wanted to be in the Army or some military branch. He wanted to be a coach in the local High School football team. What is he now? A Pepsi truck driver with 2 spoiled rotten brats that he don't have to watch or take care of because the special ed inbred family his wife is from takes care of them 24/7. So he says he is content with his life and makes excuses as to why he won't proceed with following any new dreams.
My best friend from my former work place (hey, a rabid monkey needs money....) is getting married to this guy. Of course I don't know him and he don't know me. Yet that didn't stop him from telling me his two cents about my life at the gas station one night. Told me that taking online classes (even though they are ACCREDITED CLASSES) are NOT the same as going to an actual college. Told me that he and my friend make $3k a month (funny that he told me that while they are driving a POS car) . Told me to find a local woman and stop acting like a high rolling millionaire on the internet and then said he knows what I do online. BUT THE WORST AND THE ASS RIPPING PART WAS WHEN HE CALLED MY DEAREST FRIEND IN NJ, A WOMAN HE DOES NOT KNOW, A BITCH!!!
I told my Leach brother about this... and in a true YOUNGER brother style tells me that game colleges are a joke because that is what he hears at his college of art. Then agrees that maybe I should look for a local woman.

Ok in response, I say this: YOU MOTHER FUCKING [Cuss-A-Thon©] PIECES OF SHIT EATING [Cuss-A-Thon©] [Cuss-A-Thon - Now with extra Rabies!©] ...catching breath... FUCKING [Cuss-A-Thon©] WITH YOUR MOM AND A HORSE!!!! GO INTO A CLOSET AND FUCK YOURSELF AND WHILE YOU ARE AT IT - SHUT THE MOTHER FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!

Its like this, ANYBODY THAT WILL NOT BE BEHIND ME IN MY DREAMS IS DEAD WEIGHT AND WILL BE CUT! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO YOU ARE! IF YOU ARE A FRIEND OR A FAMILY MEMBER, YOU'D KNOW HOW IMPORTANT MY DREAMS ARE AND NOT TRY TO SHIT ON THEM!!! YOU'D ALSO KNOW I'D BE BEHIND YOUR DREAMS AS WELL, IF NOT BE MORE SO BEHIND THEM THAN ANYBODY ELSE. JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE FAILING IN YOUR OWN LIFE DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE ME FAIL WITH YOUR PATHETIC SHIT FOR BRAINS WORDS!!!!!

Let me start my biting and infecting of rabies:

Ok, I hate to aim my double barrel shit gun at my younger brother, but he isn't right. See, all his life he has felt that he is above everyone for some reason. Now, if you have seen his leaches site you'd know that he has some serious points that are on the money. HOWEVER BEING RIGHT ON SOME ISSUES DOES NOT MAKE YOU GOD!!! He said that Game Colleges are considered a joke. I hate to break it to him this way, BUT SO IS ART COLLEGE!!! See, you don't have to go to college to become an artist or animator. Art colleges are also the blunt end of numerous jokes... I have yet to hear one one about game colleges... Also, to use the same words he said to me, all art and even game colleges are is a way to create a portfolio and make connections. Mind you a very expensive one, but a portfolio and connections nonetheless. What I am doing is no different than what he is doing. Only difference is that... well guess what... THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE! ONLY REAL DIFFERENCE IS SO OBVIOUS I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SAY, BUT I WILL BECAUSE I KNOW RETARDS WILL MISS THE POINT: THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT I AM DOING GAME DESIGN AND HE IS DOING ANIMATION!!! Also on a side note I should mention this: He heard this from his ART teachers who MAY HAVE been in the game industry. I am with instructors learning about game design THAT HAVE BEEN OR STILL ARE IN THE GAME INDUSTRY. Is there a difference? If you say no, I have to question if you are a sentient being...

Also, if game design schools are such a joke - Why the fuck have them in all sorts of game developing publications (and by publications, I mean "not seen in the public eye form of publications") and make them hard as hell to get into? I don't see his college in any of these magazines or on there websites. This is just another thing that people that know my leach brother do not see. He lives in his own world and will miss or not get even the most simple concepts, and the concepts he conceives are 100% right to him even if its 100% wrong to the rest of the universe. So its highly probable, using the filter I have had to use on him in the 24 or so years of his life that a college instructor told him "Game colleges are not widely accepted [bolding this to show what he may have missed] RIGHT NOW". So he took that as "Game colleges are a joke". Well, my point here is fuck you and I am doing this joke or not. I still got love for ya Leach brother... just don't stomp on my dreams with your distorted view on reality.

Also, I should metion that I am not a hypocrite. I have never thrashed his dreams or spoken anything negative about them. Am I jealous that he is in a college known for its students? No, not really. He may beat me to the finish line when it comes to accoplishing dreams, but then again who said it was a race? What matters is that I AM going to fulfill my dreams. It may have taken me a while and has been a long road to get to this point, but I will become a game designer. Its sad that he, my own brother, wants to thrash my dreams despite my unwavering support in his. However, this is a typical manuver for him. Thrash another to feel better about one self... and if he does that with his own flesh and blood, think what he does for others...

Now onto the closet gay I will refer to from this point forward as Fat Gay Bob. Ol' Fat Gay Bob told me to throw away my dreams if my ex didn't want to be behind me in the dreams. He then proceeded to tell me how he wanted to be a coach, a cop, and a army man but threw them away for his wife. He told me how my priorities are wrong and how he was content being a Pepsi truck driver. Well... Gay Bob forgot to tell me one thing - HIS DREAMS WERE NOT THROWN AWAY BY HIM, THEY WERE TAKEN AWAY FROM HIM!!!! See, here is the problem. He forgot to tell me that the cops near my tree KNOW about him leading me to assume that he has A CRIMINAL HISTORY! What would that history be, besides driving like a freak? You guessed it - DOMESTIC ABUSE!!!! So Fat Homo Bobby, because of YOUR OWN STUPIDITY you lost the chance to be these things. The Military and Police screen against things like this and if they show up, even if it's assault and battery of another man, you won't BE HIRED because any assult history disqualifies you IMMEDIATELY!!! Same is true for being a coach even in this rat dropping of a town, and the rub is that they know about how quick to violence he is too! Thing is he is all talk and no action. TALK IS CHEAP FAT GAY BOB AND ANYBODY ELSE THAT WANTS TO RUIN MY DREAMS FOR THAT MATTER! He cannot stand the fact that he has a go nowhere job and is married to a bitch that works at a poor man's Wal Mart and also is going nowhere. Guess that is made up for the fact he don't have to raise his kids because his wife's family, who are what the pool boy took out of the gene pool and is proof inbreeding is wrong, does all that while he sleeps on his gay ass. Good parenting there fokes! Also, Fat Gay Bob and that whole bunch of inbreds are racist chicken heads, so sadly the kids will be taught to be as narrowminded as Fat Gay Bob's asshole.

Also, he cannot stand the fact that somebody is going to achieve more than he and that bitch ever will. Well, guess what? JUST BECAUSE YOU DID SOMETHING STUPID AND RUINED YOUR LIFE DOES NOT MEAN I, OR ANYBODY ELSE FOR THAT MATTER, WILL FOLLOW YOUR FAT GAY ASS!!!! I know that he has been talking shit about me and my family, presumably to get me to fight him. Now, I could put action to his words and do some harmful stuff to Fat Gay Bob, but why? I am not going to have my dreams taken away from me just for an act of revenge and I am not going to stoop to his level, which is below shit. When Fat Gay Bob sees a new game that I had a hand in developing and his bitch has to stare at my works from behind her counter, THAT will mean more to me than any act of revenge could EVER accomplish. I think in honestly its because he and his bitch couldn't stand the fact that when I do achieve this, I would be moving out of my tree with my ex and onto a new tree out of state. They would be short one free babysitter if this happened. Well, to those bitches I say: KISS MY ASS, YOU FUCKING RETARDED BITCHES!!!

Onto Mr. "I'm going to marry your friend so now I can comment on your life". Ok for starters, I SHOULD HAVE DONE THE RIGHT THING AND TOLD YOU IT WAS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS AND WALKED AWAY. As always, hindsite is always 20/20. However, I was stupid and out of respect for my friend I listened. What I listened to was the most uneducated and misinformed dribble I have ever heard in my rabid and insane life. For starters, what difference did it make to him that I was heading to NJ to see my friend? He acted like I was going to fuck her. Well that is none of his lame, dumb ass business if I did or not. Thing is, I don't know him and what fucking right is it for him to make a opinion on what I do or not? Answer to him - NONE!!!!

Then he said that he and my friend make $3,000 a month and I make maybe $800 a month. I guess he forgot "and my friend" part because he was acting as though that is what he made total a month, NOT AS A COMBINED TOTAL!!! Besides, if you made that much why the fuck are you driving.. oh take that back.. WHY THE FUCK IS MY FRIEND DRIVING A BEAT UP CAR WHEN IT IS OBVIOUS THAT YOU BOTH CAN AFFORD BETTER?!!! Again, TALK IS CHEAP, DICK HEAD. I can say I have oodles of money which this guy, who I swear is like Fat Gay Bob's dad - a drunk lush, thinks I tell ladies online. Thing is, and if he claims to know what I do on here he'd know, I DON'T SAY ANYTHING OF THE SORT!!!! I don't lie and say "I make shitloads of money", I will when I become a game designer but money isn't why I am into game designing. For now, I work at a gas station and try not to infect people with my rabies. I tell that to all the ladies I am interested in that I work and go to school. A far cry from saying I am a "Million dollar roller with lots of bling bling". Also, SAYING you make $3,000 and MAKING $3,000 a month is TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. Besides... I doubt they pay people to drink beer anyways...

As for looking for a local lady, the problem with that is:

The women around here are greedy rich bitches that won't look at a guy that don't make more than $100,000 A WEEK! Greedy ass bitches....
The women around here are after a dick so they can get pregnant and get child support. Not something I'd want as a permanent relationship....
The women around here are stuck up bitches that won't give an adorable rabid monkey that loves cheese a second glance. They much rather find a Brad Pitt looking guy... never mind the fact the guys that look like that around here know this and use it as a tool to get some free sex. Read my last post and lets play "Ring around the dumb bitches that love being played while the nice guys blow off their own mellons for the music!"
The women around here are Hooked on Phonics and Methamphetamine (Governor Ballsack Edition).
The women around here resemble what the pool boy took out of the gene pool with the IQ to match. Go back to Fat Gay Bob's bite for more details...
Anybody that is not in those catagories are already married, have boyfriends, or fall into those catagories AND are married or have boyfriends.

I guess he was trying to get me back with my ex since he knew her and her dad. That should have been my warning to leave and tell him to eat a dick. THEN he said that what I do for online classes is nothing. Well, FUCK YOU YA DRUNK FUCK. Apparently he has lived in a cave for the last 20 years. He would have known that the ONLY DIFFERENCE between ACTUALLY GOING to a college and GOING to a college ONLINE is that I AM NOT PHYSICALLY THERE IN A COLLEGE AND THAT THE GRADES, WORK, ETC ARE EXACTLY THE SAME AND ARE TREATED AS SUCH OUTSIDE THE COLLEGE, ONLINE OR NOT, IN THAT THING HE DON'T LIVE IN CALLED THE REAL WORLD!!!! He mentioned colleges to go to around here... problem is THEY OFFER ONLINE CLASSES TOO AND THEY DON'T OFFER GAME DESIGNING!!!!! What a dumb fuck... but out of respect for my friend, I couldn't tell him that. So if he is reading this, I say: Put the beer bottle down, and do this thing called "research" BEFORE you say something to somebody. That way you don't look like the dumb fuck you are. So when I make $50,000 A MONTH as a game designer, programmer, or whatever, don't come my way for a free beer... you got your money so go fuck yourself. Also, I seriously doubt he "knows" what I do online because when I pressed him, he backed off like I was calling his bluff. Either that or he remembered it was time for him to ingest another keg of beer....

For a major note - CALL MY FRIEND IN NEW JERSEY OR ANY OF MY FEMALE / MALE FRIENDS A BITCH IS A SUPER FAST AND EASY WAY TO FIND OUT WHAT ITS LIKE TO HAVE HAND AND DICK WELTS ALL OVER YOU WHILE WAITING IN LINE FOR THE RABIES ANTIDOTE!!!!! That is what set me off more than the fact I should have just left. Mind you, the above mentioned is just words. I AM NOT GOING TO THROW MY LIFE AWAY FOR A DRUNK PIECE OF SHIT OR ANYBODY FOR THAT MATTER. Again, in respect to my friend, I will not do anything for revenge. I won't be his bud away from my friend, but I will around her just because I have upmost respect for her. So he can take his "advice" that is severely misinformed, his $2,200 a month in Monopoly money AND SHOVE IT UP HIS DRUNK CANDY ASS!!!! OR BETTER YET - PLAY BEND OVER AND LET THE TRAIN IN WITH FAT GAY BOB!!!!

So to roll this shit up and burn it - IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I AM DOING WITH MY LIFE - SHUT UP, KEEP YOUR RETARDED ASS OPINIONS TO YOURSELF AND FUCK OFF!!! I know that my leach bro means well, but I am not going to stop what I do because he heard or thinks its a joke. This is MY life, insane as it may be. Fat Gay Bob and Beer Tester can wallow in the shit they are in, but I am not going to do the same because they think I should. Maybe Beer Tester means well, but it was extremely compromised, if not discarded when he called my dear friend in New Jersey a bitch. Also because most of what he said was second hand info he got from my friend he is marrying, it couldn't be taken seriously as he truly does not know me. I give mad props and love to those, such as my dear woman in NJ, that are behind me with my dreams. I will NEVER forget you that are beind me with my dreams, EVER.

NEVER listen to those who would tell you not to follow your dreams and NEVER do things to compromise them. Otherwise you will be like Fat Gay Bob or Beer Tester and wake up one day and look in the mirror and your content turns into resentment. Resentment that you didn't do what you wanted to do with your life because you listened to assholes like Fat Gay Bob and Beer Tester. Regret so bad, you want to have the reflection in the mirror kick your ass a hunderd times over. The choices I MAKE and decisions I must make are for ME to make ALONE. Fuck off if you don't like it. You have your own life, go fuck it up by yourself but leave me out of that clusterfuck!!!

Now where is that rest stop? I need to piss....

How Many Times Will I Ask Myself "Why?!" - Why Are Women Attracted to Scum?

2005-08-22T21:47:00.000-07:00

Hi ya all you that are bothering to read the ramblings of a rabid monkey that loves cheese. Its about time to launch a full scale Rabid Cheese Money attack on something that has been bothering me for ages. That thing not being "What the fuck are you doing here?!", as I have yet to have an answer for that. The thing being "Why the fuck are women attracted to dickheads and assholes, yet blow over nice guys?"

Ok... let me set you up a pattern and lets see what the deal is:

I gained an interest in a gal in PA, she falls for a Canadian guy. I am her "friend"
I gain interest in a gal in MN. She turns out to be older and married. Again I am her "friend"
I gain an interest in a gal in SD.. she falls for a guy in an unknown location... I can't call her a "friend" because it seems she keeps logging in and out of MSN Messenger and YIM...
I gain an interest in a gal in LA (Louisiana, dumb shit!)... she falls for a guy locally and again I am her friend.
The day after the interest in LA failed, I gain an interest in a gal in SD.. After 2 days of talking to her I found out she already has a Boyfriend and I am "just a friend" to her...
I gain an interest in a gal in WA... she goes back to her ex, I am her friend...
I gain an interest in another gal in WA... she is going out with a guy she thinks maybe "is too nice", I am her friend...
I gained an interest in a gal in OH... she just told me she has interest in a guy living down the road...Again I am her friend...
AND THE NEXT FUCKING DAY A GAL IN VA THAT I HAD AN INTEREST IN WAS WITH A GUY FOR 6 FUCKING DAYS AND IS IN LOVE WITH THE GUY THAT IS NOW ON THE ROAD!!! Again, for purposes of analysis, I am her friend...
Her gal buddy... Ditto on the friendship....
I gain an interest in a gal in MO... long story.. but its confusion there... But again.. I am her friend...
I gained an interest in a gal in AK... She goes to europe... probably got a bf there... again I am her friend...
Another interest in IL... Another friend I be to her...
One gal in IA... One more "friend" I am only...
Another gal in IA... ok, if I have to tell you.....

To quote some GWAR, the best fucking rock band in fucking history : This reoccuring pattern of failure has fucked with me a lot. I am so sick of women and the bullshit it takes to have a lady go out with me. I swear that if it wasn't for the fact I am insane and the mayor of the grand city of Insanity, I'D GO INSANE AGAIN AND NEVER MOVE OUT! I am glad that I am these ladies friends, but still I cannot understand what is so wrong with me that they would want another guy rather than an adorable rabid monkey.

I guess its because I am not a big enough asshole or dickhead. I am just a rather nice guy, not rabid or insane. But for some reason somebody with the brains of a pea said "Hey! Lets make it so women brush off nice guys and go for assholes!" So, nice guys finish last and assholes get to go to bed with hot ladies... WELL NEWS FLASH COCK HEADS : NICE GUYS FINISH LAST, BUT ASSHOLES ARE STILL ASSHOLES NO MATTER WHERE THEY FINISH!!!

Its just plain stupid that women would find guys who are the lowest forms of life on earth attractive. I mean, think about this: If a guy came up to you and said "Hi my name is Steve. All I want to do is put my cock in your wet hole and leave. Can I get your number?" or "Hi my name is Pat. If you go out with me, I'll beat you like a sack after we get hitched" or "Hi my name is Joe. I will just use you until somebody better comes along." Would you really go out with him or just slap him? Well, sadly that is what women chose to go out with, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if somebody said this to some lady AND IT WORKED.

So, when these ladies get burned, guess who they turn to? The nice guys. The guys that would have given them anything. The guys that would have given their (insert soul, money amount, or body part here) to have had a chance with them. But oh no... for whatever reason, ladies chose to get used, abused and slamed by assholes rather than go with the nice guy. They would rather be with a asshole that would shit all over them and make their lives hell than be with a guy that would burn in hell for eternity with a smile on their face if it meant to be with her.

I guess it comes down to what relationships are all about. In a relationship, men to use their minds while women tend to use their feelings. So I guess using logic, it can be safe to say that the most illogical choices a woman makes tends to be the most logical to them. Now women do say that men are simple minded. Yet I wonder who is the ones saying that. I bet a million bananas that the ones saying that are the ones going out with assholes. They are the ones that have a string of men that would have been the best for them, but blew over for assholes. Yet these men that are nice are the ones when they hear their interest love somebody else think "Great! Lets celebrate by blowing my head off!"

NOW DON'T GO THINKING YOUR PARTNER IN INSANITY IS GOING TO DO SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT!!! I WILL NOT do something that stupid no matter how much I hurt over the loss of an interest. I know that there is a woman out there that will love me and to do something like suicide is the ultimate act of stupidity. I am insane, not stupid. Now, I hear "Well RCM, don't worry about it" or "It'll happen when you least expect it". Yes, and so does syphilis. The people that say that don't have to worry. Why should they? They know that when they get home and climb into their bed, they won't be alone. Meanwhile, I crawl up into my tree and lay on a branch and pray to God that I hate being his punchline to a bad joke. Some men might say to suck it in... Well, you can only suck in so much before you find yourself sucking the barrel to a gun and exposing your thoughts (and brains) to the world. Thankfully, I know better, still there have been times I wish that it was all over and I wouldn't have to endure this pain of being alone anymore. There have been times even where seeing a good looking lady with a ring on their left hand or with their boyfriend at work that I wish the next customer was a robber so I could tell that robber to just go ahead and take me out with the cash being a bonus.

Still, I cannot fathom why any of these women would chose somebody else over me? Yes I am a nice guy. I would have treasured and treated one of them right. I would never have abused or mistreated them. However, I WILL NOT DEFILE MYSELF AND BECOME AN ASSHOLE FOR ANYBODY. I get this "charming" letter from David DeAngelo from doubleyourdating.com and he basically says (if you shell out $50) that women love "cocky and funny" men. In a sense, giving a green light to being an asshole. Ok, it is one thing to be confident but another thing to be a cocky asshole. If it takes being an asshole to get a one night stand, count me out. I want a relationship, not to get sex. Also, this David DeAngelo only wants one thing: Money. The guy could give a shit less you get your face slapped as long as he gets his. His green backs that is. Also, if I have to act like an asshole to get anywhere with anybody, that speaks very poorly of the people I want to have. For you slow people - Act like an asshole to attract people = ATTRACT ASSHOLES. As for his testimonials? If I commented on my own shit it would look like somebody actually cares and reads my shit, just like him.

Women may say men are primitive thinkers. If you'd quit dating dickheads you would see differently. I think that is why God gave women two boobs, to serve as a reminder. One boob to remind women that they will blow off and maybe hurt other men that are nice. The other for when they wake up and realize nice men would have been better or THE BEST for them. By that time its too late... they either found someone else, died, or became gay. So they feel like a double boob. Nice men like myself have a lot to offer as far as relationships go. Why go anywhere else? Nah... you will go find some asshole and come crying to the nice guys that the asshole acted like a asshole and you need somebody to reassure you that you are a wonderful lady. Then you will go out and find another asshole... (Sing with me the Eminem song "Square Dance").. repeat this until one or both die. I could say "or until the lady realized that the best man out there is the nice guy", but despite the best advancements in science and genetic research: Pigs still don't fly.

So, to summarize this shit, I am a nice guy. Fuck off if women wish to be attracted to asshole slime. I will not become an asshole and if I die alone, I die alone. At least I can say to God when the Wraith takes me that I lived my life happy in my tree with my rabies and insanity. I'll then ask God what the fuck he was thinking having nice guys be the lamb of sacrifice for women who are attracted to assholes. After that, I may slap him upside the head and say "Good move! Now, how many victims of suicide are up here because of that plan?"

Nice guys may finish last... but we always finish what we start....

Guess Who Smokes? Smokes Again? RCM is Back! Roll Me A Mad End...

2005-08-07T01:53:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody. Yes I know that it has been a while since your fellow partner in insanity has said anything. I am not going to sit here and make excuses. Truth is - I know nobody reads this, so I don't give a shit if it is weekly or whenever I fucking want to. That isn't going to stop me though. Hence why I am sitting up at 4 in the morning writing. I had enough and needed to vent NOW.

Ok, if anybody is bothering to have read this shit, you can guess that I am 1) Not rabid 2) Not a monkey and 3) I love cheese and pussy. I made this site as a way to rant. Rant about what I see is wrong and maybe show somebody that there is a better way to do shit. But the deal is I am not the first and definitely not the last. It does bother me though nobody will comment at the bottom of the rants.. even negative or "Shut the fuck up!" messages would be nice every now and then... BUT FUCK THAT!!! I AM NOT HERE TO GET ATTENTION, I AM HERE TO SPEAK MY MIND AND IF NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT THEN FUCK YOU AND YOUR MOM AND DAD TOO!!!! Shit even JEL and the foaming idiots at the ONDCP have not said anything to me.. not a rebuttal or anything. Well.. maybe it'd help if I gave them the right email addy... but FUCK YOU. I don't care. I am right and you just don't want to admit it.

Let me tell you a story.

There was these lemmings that were all in a strait line going strait for a cliff to hurl to their death. A monkey stood in front of them and said "Hey, there is a cliff coming up! If you don't stop, you will die!". However, the lemmings kept moving forward and went through them like he wasn't there. He again ran well ahead of them and shouted "YOU GUYS STOP! DON'T GO ANY FURTHER BECAUSE YOU WILL DIE IF YOU FALL OFF THIS CLIFF!" However, again the lemmings went through the monkey like he wasn't there. Finally the monkey went to the edge and hoped for one more chance to sway them. He got on his knees and said "Please stop! Don't go any..." The lemmings went through him and over the cliff to their death. After the last lemming jumped off the cliff and died, a cat appeared before the monkey and said "I bet you feel bad that they didn't listen to you." The monkey smiled and said "No, it is not my fault they didn't listen. I tried and I did something. Thats all I can do."

The lesson here is that I AM doing something and I AM trying. It doesn't matter that I am speaking my mind. Eminem has the corner in that market. However, Eminem DOES NOT hold the patent to it and WE CAN speak our minds REGARDLESS of how it is received or if somebody is listening. What Eminem sometimes says can really make sense regardless of whether you like his music or not. He is saying things that make sense. I say things that make sense.. Hell everybody that uses Blogger probably does too.

If what I says affects the world or one person, I could give a fuck less. As long as I say it, its all that counts. Yes, it has been a long while since I spoke. Honestly, I haven't had any motivation to. That and work, school, and my eternal quest to find a woman that is better than my ex has capitalized on my time to speak. Regardless, I am still here.

Anyways it is sad that the United States... hell the world... has become so stupid and become like the lemmings in my story. Everybody keeps getting ass raped and nobody seems to care that its happening. The leaders of the ass fuck are Hollywood and the Government. Its the same two that wonder why people write blogs or not watch movies or wonder why Eminem is so popular. Its because there is still people in this world that listen to the monkey and go "Hey, I am not THAT stupid! I need to stop or I will fall off that cliff and die."

Now I am not sitting here saying I am right 100% of the time... my ex-brother in law, the closet gay thought he was. However, telling a guy to throw away his dreams is dead wrong AND if I had a woman like my ex sister-in-law to fuck, I think I would be gay too. Thing is, nobody is right 100% of the time 24/7. What I say can be just as wrong as the next blogger. BUT FUCK IT. I am going to say it regardless. If I am wrong, so be it. At least I did something and not do shit. I can at least crawl up in my tree and sleep peacefully knowing somebody may see this shit and say "He is right!" or "He is wrong!" or "What the fuck is this shit?". I did something, thats all that matters.

To roll this shit up and get my Rabid Cheese Monkey ass to bed: I am not here to gain attention, sympathy, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. If nobody is reading my shit, fuck it I don't care. If somebody out there is reading this shit, give me a shout out. It doesn't matter either way. As the Insane Clown Posse "Juggalo Chant" goes (and yes, I am a Rabid Cheese Monkey AND a Juggalo too ,,!,, ^_^ ,,!,,):

We will never die alone....
Juggalos will carry on!
Swing our hatches if we must...
Each and every one of us!!!

If any of wiser sayings could be said, that would be it. People like me will NEVER die alone. Me and people like me are out here and we will stand together in one way or another. Even if my voice is unheard, FUCK IT. I say it and I mean it. At least I did something, not my fault the world fell of the cliff and died.

Now onto my cozy bed in my tree to dream of having wild sex with all of Dream....

Religion - The Best Way To Push Your Stupidity

2005-04-03T23:59:00.000-07:00

Ok Fellow Rabid Cheese Monkey Insaniteers... Yes I know I have been gone for a couple weeks... fucking rabies double vision again... oh no wait... that was because of that mad crazy beer party... Well anyways, fuck you... I never gave ya a guarantee in writing I'd do this weekly! Besides, your fellow partner in insanity is trying to get some.. and discovering that life after marriage is worse than finding out you were married to begin with... but thats another rant, and not why we are all gathered here...

Alright.. I suppose by now you have heard about Terri Schiavo and that cluster fuck that went on in Florida. If you haven't, you must be living in a cave with a rock on your head. Anyways, that poor lady passed away after years of being in a vegetative state. Now, this would have normally not even blipped on any radar...

But guess what? [insert Dragnet theme here] FOR SOME FUCKING REASON BEYOND EVEN MY INSANITY AND RABIES, THIS GOT MORE ATTENTION THAN WHAT WAS CALLED FOR!!!! Why is that? For starters this clusterfuck was in Florida. Now earlier I said that Hollywood was the special ed capitol of the world... Well guess what? Florida is the Club Med of Retards! I swear... Florida has more idiots and old farts per capita than any place in the cosmos. Also Jeb Bush, George W. "nu-cu-lar" Bush's brother, was being a camera hog in order to probably run for prez in 4 years.... and if that happens, don't bitch at me because I higly doubt any Bush would read my shit anyways...

All that aside, the thing that pissed me off the most was something that was thrown into the spotlight from the beginning... that being religion. Now, before God decides to strike me in my tree with bolts of lightning again (Remember fokes - Surge Protectors are your best friend!) let me say that it wasn't the religion or the belief of a set religion that pissed me off. What pissed me off is that religion was USED as a means to push this shit pile to the front of the national spotlight. Also, what makes me foaming mad... oh wait.. thats the rabies... is the fact people are USING religions as a means to GET RICH!!!!!

Let me start from the beginning. Terri Schiavo was for all extensive purposes brain dead. Her brain was unable to operate on even the most simplest of levels. The fact she was alive, or even allowed to live this long, was in fact a miracle of modern science. If this shit was to have happened 20 years ago, she would have been dead and this wouldn't have bliped on any radar. Science, however, has evolved to the point where life can be sustained when, and there is the rub, it shouldn't. It made me mad to hear her parents, who must still have thought Terri was still only 10, think she was alive! News flash you [Cuss-A-Thon©] mutha fuckas! IF I WAS TO HOOK UP A BOWL OF JELLO TO ALL THE SHIT SHE WAS HOOKED UP TO, THAT BOWL OF JELLO WOULD BE CLINICALLY ALIVE!!!!! THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT BOWL OF JELLO WOULD BE A BILLION TIMES SMARTER THAN YOU BASTARDS!!!! I am not bull shitting you here... somebody ACTUALLY did hook up a bowl of Jello to life support systems and it ACTUALLY REGISTERED LIFE!!!! What does that mean? It means that you can save a body from dying... but the body can be void of life.

Her family kept babbling that she was alive and knew what was going on... Sorry, no she didn't. They were trying to hold onto something and looking for any and all reasons to hold onto when the best thing to do is let her go. But they turned against her husband... How Christian like! Lets show the world that God loves through HATE!!! YOU MUTHER FUCKING RETARDS!!!! GOD DOES NOT HATE YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITES!!!! Legally, it was up to the husband to do it, but the parents of Terri kept getting in the way.. all in the name of God... all the while looking stupid and doing things that God and Jesus would NOT do... If God had ANYTHING to do with this, she would have died on that operating table, not be hooked up to machines till she died. They kept thinking that someday she would come out of it... or Science would cure it... well, the "come out of it" part would never have happened considering how badly damaged her brain was... and Science, well... I think it would have been a long time before that happened, if ever...

Meanwhile, and the real point here is - What kind of life did she have? All she could do is sit and lay there.. not be able to communicate, not be able to do anything for herself, not be able to feel or move, not be able to actually enjoy life even in the most simplest things. Her fokes said all sorts of shit, but the truth is they simply didn't want to let her go. They didn't want to acknowledge that her time was up and wanted her around even if she suffered and they didn't know. My view on life isn't whether or not you have a pulse, but how you enjoy and interact with the time you have on your clock. But rather than admit that even a foaming mad monkey that has rabies and loves cheese knows this, they held on and wouldn't let go. That ultimately is going to cost them... they now have such bitterness in their hearts over her husband that no true happiness is ever going to come into their lives... Furthermore, they are sooo misguided that they don't even realize that the path they are on is the path to nowhere.

But, fuck all that... now these people are going to try to turn their tragedy into money!! The mom and dad must be thinking "Terri died so we may profit... where's our book deal?" THAT MAKES ME SICK!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU AND THIS SOCIETY?!!! HAVE YOU MISSED THE POINT AND DON'T CARE ABOUT THE HURT, JUST ABOUT THE GREEN BACKS?!!! God... that would make perfect sense as to why you didn't want her to die soon.. had to make sure the movie deal was signed first... But that is just flat out wrong! What makes it even more appalling is that you use God's name in this to make more green! Just like that family who lost their daughter in the Colombine High School Shooting & Profit Plan, calling her a martyr when all she said was yes to a question! Hey, ass fucking retards - if she was asked "Do you believe in Satan?" and was shot after saying yes, would that make her a martyr for Satan? Oh no... you wouldn't be able to make a single dollar off that book... but don't worry, Satan has a nice spot for you in hell for your stupidity. Anybody that lost somebody there tryed to make a buck.. and anybody that spoke against it got sued.. well fuck you retards.. I think you are a bunch of greedy fucks and try to sue me will only get you pimp and dick slapped while you wait in line for the rabies antidote!!!

GOD IS NOT FOR PROFIT, GOD IS FOR FAITH!!!!!! WE MORN TRAGEDIES NOT PROFIT FROM THEM FINANCIALLY!!!!!! I find it sad, sick, and wrong that people like Terri's family and such try to make money off their suffering and use God's name for it. People that do this shit end up getting fucked in the end.. and rightfully so...

So to smoke this shit... don't use God to profit. Don't use tragedies to make cash. It only makes you look like a bunch of greedy fucks if you do. America should morn tragedies and move on, not try to make a quick buck and blacken the name of religion with stupidity like this.

Now excuse me while I put a lightning rod on my tree and plug myself into a surge protector...

The Trial Of The Century.. Before the Next Trial Of The Century

2005-03-17T16:55:00.000-08:00

Welcome once again to the Rabid Cheese Monkey's Weekly Mad Rant... We are going live up into the tree the Rabid Cheese Monkey calls home. As we enter we see him... OH MY GOD! What is he doing?!!

Hey?! What the fuck?! Can't you see I am fucking this chick?! Oh shit! That's right... Time for you people I call my fans to hear my shit... and whoever hates me, fuck you.. I don't fucking care about you haters....

Ok... I suppose by now everybody and their momma has heard of the "Trial of the century".. that being... Well, fuck... how many have we had so far??? First it was OJ "Finding the Real Killer" Simpson, then it was that fertilizer salesman Scott "Shit Selling Playboy" Peterson, then that fucking actor.. fuck me if I know him or what his name is.. NOW its Michael "Plastic" Jackson... My fucking God, how many dumb ass trials have there been so far that the media has hyped up and bascally made a big stink about and shoved down our throats??!

Its not the verdicts or whether or not these people are guilty or innocent, what jacks my ass is THE AMOUNT OF ATTENTION THESE RETARDED SPECTACLES GET WHEN ULTIMATELY THEY AMOUNT TO SHIT!!! I am just sick of it! Its like everybody wants to see some trial of some celebrity or some sadistic shit salesman.. I take it back... NOBODY REALLY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THESE TRIALS AND THE ONES THAT DO CARE NEED TO GET A FUCKING LIFE!!! I don't care that Michael Jackson is on trial or what the fuck is going on there... I don't care that Scott "Shit Salesman, Eater, and Head" Peterson is going to death row for killing his wife and baby... I don't care about OJ Simpson's deal, although that was a long ass time ago... basically and I will put it in big letters so you stupider than retarded individuals can get a good understanding - I DON'T GIVE TWO SHITS AND A FUCK ABOUT TRIALS AND ANYTHING RELATED TO THEM, CELEBRITY OR OTHERWISE!!!!

Ok, let me start with ancient history with the OJ Simpson Trial. For starters, that trial was a clusterfuck from the beginning. I, to this date, have no opinion about whether or not OJ did it. If he was guilty, he would have had to time that murder to the second. Now, it strikes me that OJ cannot time an egg much less something as complex as a murder. Now if he was innocent, what was up with that "High Speed" chase that a snail could outrun? Regardless, we will never know. Why? Simply put, justice was NOT served. Not because OJ was acquitted. No, because his three lawyers from hell (Johnny Cockman, Robert Shapenis, and F Me Bailey) did the most lowdown thing they could do - TRY TO INCITE ANOTHER LA RIOT IF OJ WAS FOUND GUILTY!!!! They played the Race Card almost immediately and it just basically compromised the trial from the get go. Instead of trying to prove OJ didn't do it alone, they began stirring up people with that fucking "No Justice No Peace" shit almost all through the trial. Of course they HAD to have it in LA, where not long before it they had a riot. If I was the president at that time, I would have imposed Marshal Law throughout the trial and held OJ's "Satanic Dream Team" responsible if anything happened if the trial didn't go the way they wanted. At any rate, regardless of OJ's guilt or innocence, justice was not served.

Sooo.. that was the "Trial of the Century" for the 20th century... forget the Nazi trials and historical shit.. OJ is more important than that shit... OJ, who has the historical relevance of my shit, is SOOO much more important than all the other bad things that have happened before it. But now, here it is 2005 and ALREADY we have ANOTHER "Trial of the Century"?!!! Those being that Robert Blake, Scott Peterson, and Michael Jackson??? Ok, the Robert Blake one, I will make it short - Nobody gave a fuck about it because he was small potatoes.. and the verdict was the same : Nobody gave a fuck.

But let me bite my rabies into the whole Scott "Peter"son deal. Let me give ya a background in case you've lived in a cave the last few decades with a rock on your head or just got out of a coma (mad props to Jeanna Giese for surviving rabies... now if they could cure me.. no fuck that, I LOVE RABIES AND INSANITY! ...and cheese) - sometime like a few years ago, Scott Petereaterson said that his wife went missing while he went fishing. So, a massive search began. well they found her and the baby dead on some shore. So, Scott Peterlickerson got arrested and he had his trial. Now, I should mention, Scotty sold fertilizer (aka shit) and was fucking around on Lacy with this lady that just screams "Fuck me, I am a hooker"... well I guess selling shit works for you Scott.. but the jury and judge didn't buy your shit and now you are going to get raped where you shit till California decides to kill you... that being a billion years from now after the Great Ape Council puts you to death so Darth Vader can finally use his brand new TiVo Luke gave him for Christmas (Now called "Spend Yourself to Debt Day" since the ACLU said all holidays had to be renamed for the hell of it).

Anyways.. all through this clusterfuck I couldn't escape hearing about this shit. The guy sold shit and acted like he was smoking some weird shit. I seriously cannot believe this got one billionth of the attention that it did. Ok, it was sad that Lacy and the baby died... but this shit happens all over America and I don't see it plastered all over... He fucked some lady? So what.. again, this shit happens everywhere.. He tricked the public? Ok, again so what.. why did it even get dragged into the public? Oh I know why.. because its California and this happened in an "Average" (read - Wealthy) community. Guess if you have money, that makes it worth the shit.. NO IT DON'T, IT STILL MEANS SHIT!!! No matter how you look at it, there really isn't anything significant about this whole Scotty the Shit Sailor Man that made it worth all the fucking shit that was thrown on us. I do find it funny though how these 2 families are tearing at each other, like its some kind of Royal Rumble... and proving that when it comes to tragedy everybody should profit except the actual victim. Lacy and her baby can rest in peace knowing that her family and Scott's family will make money off their deaths... AND IF I GET IN THE SAME ROOM WITH THESE RETARDED [Swear-A-Thon©] (... yes I am lazy...) FUCKERS, I AM GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ALL OF THEM AND GIVE THEM DICK AND HAND WELTS ALL OVER ALONG WITH MY RABIES!!!!!!!!!! Hope you retarded fucks live in the lap of luxury and then one day wake up and realize your stupidity..... then fall off the lap and into the toilet luxury was taking a shit in.

Now for Michael Jackoffson... Ok, I said earlier I won't comment on whether or not he is guilty or innocent, and I plan on keeping my word... but what I am pissed about is how this has been nothing more than a huge publicity stunt for Michael since day one! Nobody seems to care that this is about whether he is a child molester or not.. it has been about Ol' MJ and his stupid little stunts he does on a daily basis because all the plastic he has on gives him a buzz 24/7. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, RATS ASS, AND 3 SHITS WHO,WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, WHY, AND HOW ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON AND/OR HIS ACTS HE PULLS FOR ATTENTION!!!! The guy is no longer the "King of Pop", he is now the "King of Wash Outs" and whether or not he is found guilty, his next album will be a bomb. This attention he is getting is HURTING NOT HELPING him. I wish the media would stop the "We are now seeing Michael Jackson going into the bathroom to take a shit" shit... There are more important things in this world than him. Besides, I think he shits Legos...

So to wrap this joint up and smoke it... These "publicized" trials in the grand scheme of things don't amount to shit. There are more important things than shit like that. Talk about the war in Iraq, about the economy, about the environment, hell even about the weather... Just don't waste my time about these courtroom spectacles and let justice be done the old fashioned way - by a jury and judge.

Now get the fuck out of my tree and let me finish fucking this chick before my drugs wear off!!!

And now onto Lee with sports scores....

Holly -Retarded- Wood - Fake and Stupidity on Film

2005-03-10T20:12:00.000-08:00

Howdy all ya Rabid Cheese Monkey fans.. and fuck you haters, I never forget you fuckers... Time for your weekly infection of rabies and insanity from everybody's adorable insane monkey that has rabies and loves cheese... and starting to wonder why the fuck its so hard to get pussy.. but your not here to hear why this monkey went insane.. without further delay....

Ok.. guess its time to launch a rabid bite attack on the mecha of stupidity and retardedness that I loathe so much. Thats right.. Time for RCM to pack his shit and infect Hollywood... Land of shit and stupidity itself. Where dumbness and fakeness flows like milk and honey.. and I just would love to infect them all with rabies.

It seems like this society of ours is built not around the concept of "by the people, for the people" anymore.. seems to be centered around the retarded, ludicrous shit the people in BlowWood push on us. Who the fuck came up with "Political Retarded Correctness"? Hollywood. Who do we see motivate people to vote? Hollywood. Who do we hear bitch, whine and complain about things in this society? Hollywood. Who do we pay more attention to when it comes to anything.. Styles, music, political stances, what to buy, etc... Fucking right! Hollywood. Its like Hollywood has gone from making movies to being pretty much the government....

My bitch and major problem is just that... We pay WAY TOO MUCH attention to the retarded stunts in Hollywood we forget that there is much more important things in life than the break up of these stars or who fucked who. I can't go into a store without seeing magazines and shit that have in big letters "Jessica Simpson and Nick Lashe failed sex ed again when Nick stuck his dick in a light socket and Jessica thought it was suppose to go in there" or "Jennifer Lopez is caught fucking Donald Trump and the marriage between her and Bill Gates is over since she spent him into debt" Its like this, and I am going to put it in big letters for those slow retards.. no wait.. retards are geniuses compared to these ass lickers... to understand :

I DO NOT GIVE TWO SHITS AND A FUCK WHAT GOES ON IN HOLLYWOOD!!! IF HOLLYWOOD WAS TO GET NUKED, I WOULDN'T SHEAD A SINGLE TEAR, IN FACT I WOULDN'T NOTICE AT ALL ...oh wait.. I'd go there to collect glow-in-the-dark shit... THE POINT HERE IS THAT HOLLYWOOD ISN'T GOD OR ALWAYS RIGHT... THEY ARE HUMAN TOO AND WE SHOULDN'T INVEST SOO MUCH OF OUR TIME AND INTELLIGENCE INTO THE SPECIAL ED CAPITOL OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!

Let me start by telling you a couple classic examples... Ever watch "Armageddon" and/or "Deep Impact"? Ok, in case you have been living in a cave with a rock on your head... Both have the same identical plots : a huge asteroid is coming to smash Earth... and these scientist hire a bunch of special ed students that coincidently are big ticket actors/actress and are sent up to blow up the rock. Oh yeah.. two teens fuck like monkeys and that saves the world somehow because the people shot in space somehow get the motivation to blow the rock up... oh yeah.. they only have like a week to train, go up and blow it to hell... Anyways, when these movies were released all I saw on TV was "what would happen if this became a reality?"... People actually BELIEVED that what happened in the movie could be done to save Earth in the event it did happen. That if we had 2 weeks to 6 months to know if a huge ass ass-troid, we could stop it like it was done in these movies...

Guess what? EVEN IF WE HAD ONE YEAR TO KNOW ABOUT IT, ALL WE COULD DO IS SIT BACK AND SMILE... BECAUSE WE WOULD BE MASSIVELY AND COMPLETELY FUCKED!!!!!! WE WOULD NEED MORE TIME AND WE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH NUKES ON THE PLANET TO BLOW UP A SMALL ASTEROID MUCH LESS A HUGE ASTEROID COMING OUR WAY!!! Its like this - It takes a week to even MOVE any space shuttle, and it takes MONTHS to train even a seasoned pilot to fly a shuttle... and significantly LONGER if you hire a bunch of inexperienced monkeys to do it. So by the time you get even this all done, if we had just a couple weeks then we'd already be fucked. And if we had 6 months, then by the time the pilots got up there it'd be too late because by the time they got onto the asteroid, they'd already be in the earth's atmosphere! But lets not forget... Government red tape, getting the money, making sure everything is even in half decent order, making sure parts are duck taped correctly, and of course waiting for it to be a sunny day.. well lets just kiss our asses good bye.. be faster... OH but here is something to chew on... IF the Media found out and told the world we would be fucked one year from now, by the time the asteroid (or evil aliens or whatever cataclysm comes to earth in the movies) there would hardly be any people left anyways. Why? BECAUSE EVERYBODY WOULD GO APE SHIT AND KILL ONE ANOTHER AND LOOT AND RIOT LONG BEFORE THE SHIT ACTUALLY HAPPENS!!! I am more afraid of what people would do if they found out tomorrow won't happen than I do an asteroid, global warming, and ass-probing aliens combined.. Ok, nevermind the ass-probing aliens... that scares me more.

The point here is that the laws of science, the land, and reality in general take the far back seat on the short bus that America is on. People know this, but still believe the shit Hollywood spits out because of its so-called power. Don't believe me? Ask yourself : If all the scientists in the world were at your door and were telling you one thing. Then some famous singer like Brittney "Oops, I fucked on you again with 50,000 men" Spears - who can't even spell science - was telling you the opposite. Never mind the fact you see the cue cards she is reading and them coaching her. Who would you believe? Guess what? YOU WOULD BELIEVE BRITNEY "OOPS I HAVE STDS AGAIN" SPEARS OVER THE SCIENTISTS!!!! Why? Strictly because you know who that bitch is and don't know many scientists. Its the game of reconition that takes a beating when it comes to common sense and logic here folks.

But what really pisses the fuck out of me is how these bastards push their ideology on us and most people are stupid enough to follow it! Who came up with Political Correctness? Hollydick did, and then pushed it onto us. Now I can't say "black", I have to say "African American". Can't say "Indian", I have to say "Native American". Can't say "mexican" have to say "Hispanic American"..OK FUCK THIS SHIT! I AM GOING TO SAY IT LIKE IT IS - THEY ARE AMERICANS PERIOD. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHERE THEY COME FROM, THEY LIVE HERE THEY ARE AMERICANS!!!! Oh I will respect where they came from, but otherwise they are just americans. I am not going to sugar coat anything, either they are americans or they are visitors, simple and concise. Fuck this "XXXX - American" shit.

Also, HollyShit has come up with that fucking "Animal Rights" shit. Ok, let me make this clear - I think being mean to animals is like being mean to a human, but that isn't going to stop me from eating meat or go vegetarian. Its like this : for every animal you don't eat, I'll eat three. If you ban my meat, I'll go cannibal and eat vegetarians. Now these retards come up with the most weak ass reasons not to eat meat and most if not all is bull shit. Mad Cow Disease? I am rabid and insane, I am not going to notice the difference if I get it. Causes Heart Attacks and makes us fat? Well, if I kept going to McFartDroppings then I can see your point, but I seldom do. Besides, if you don't exercise, then guess what? YOU WILL GET FAT! Most of what these RetardoWood people say as science and stuff is false anyways, so why listen? Guess a lot of retarded fuckers do....

Then they do the most retarded things to get attention, and scream bloody murder when they DO get the attention! They bitch about the camera people all around them, wanting privacy... Yet they have NO problem pulling shit like getting married 24 hrs or pulling some stupid shit stunt. Here is a question to ya : WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BECOME FAMOUS WHEN YOU KNEW DAMN WELL THAT PRIVACY ISN'T A LUXURY YOU CAN BUY OR GET ANYMORE THE SECOND YOU DID BECOME FAMOUS?!!! God, these stars are retarded... and I know this : If the poperazi stopped, they couldn't last a week, much less a year before they screamed bloody murder that they miss it!!! Celebs in DumbWood love attention even if they don't admit it... they are a bunch of ADD people we go see because we get bored....

Guess what I am saying here is that America needs to remind Hollywood WE put them there and the only reason we put them there is to ENTERTAIN us NOT GIVE US THERE TWO SHITS ABOUT THEIR VIEW ON THE WORLD TO FOLLOW!!!! I am just sick of this Idol worshiping we do to these dumb retarded fucks... Its time we as a nation realize we have our own minds and we can think for ourselves. We DON'T need Hollywood and its fake and phony shit to guide us. We have survived without it long before now, I am pretty positive we can survive without it now.

And if I end up on the Walk of Fame... Be afraid.

American "False" Idol - Who wants to be the next One Hit Wonder?

2005-03-01T15:10:00.000-08:00

Howdy all ya infected with rabies fans of mine... and fuck all ya haters twice... Time for this weeks bite from your rabid monkey up in a tree who loves cheese, pussy, and... cheese...

Ok... I have discovered something amazing while up in my tree... see I discovered that TV has more shit on besides my regular shows. Those regular shows being all 3 CSIs, CBS News, Red Dwarf, Red Green, Doctor Who, and Andromeda (Woolvett and Bertram look soooo cute together).... I discovered that there is shit on... and by shit I mean MAJOR shit.. Shit that makes me want to go and bitch and dick slap the makers of these shows soooo hard, they will have permanent hand and mushroom prints on them. That shit being over Reality TV.. More specifically American Idol...

Ok, in case you have been like me (besides being rabid and insane...) and not give a fuck about television, let me fill you in on what this donkey cluster fuck show this is : Its a show where a bunch of people go and sing... and after 3 judges say their shit... people vote which one will be the winner. This "winner" will be the next "American Idol" and will live in the halls of music like Eminem, Michael Jackson (and NO I WILL NOT comment about that trial.. I am going to do the intelligent thing and WAIT till the verdict comes out to decide IF he is guilty or not) and Elvis... somebody we will think of when it comes to music.. this "winner" will live the life of a real idol...

OK ENOUGH FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!! ONTO SINKING MY TEETH INTO THAT SHOW AND INFECTING IT WITH THE RABIES AND INSANITY I HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For starters... [wind up and the pitch.... ] I have this to say about these "potential Idols"... THE TRUTH IS - WIN, LOSE OR DRAW, THESE FALSE IDOLS WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING!!! THEY ARE GOING TO LIVE THE LIFE OF A IDOL ALRIGHT... A FUCKING ONE HIT BLUNDER IDOL THAT IS!!!! [ ....and its out of the park!!!!! ] Jesus titty fucking Christ... I have never in my insane, rabid life seen such a farce before. Ok, so they can sing? SO FUCKING WHAT?! They look great? SO FUCKING WHAT?! They got voted to go on in some game show? SO FUCKING WHAT?! Well... they... Yes?... They... Got voted by the national public as the next American Idol? Well...Ok..SO MUTHA FUCKING WHAT?!!! Is this registering in your head yet? It doesn't matter if they can sing, dance, and get voted as the next "idol"... what matters isn't all that shit... ITS WHAT THEY SING AND HOW THEY SING THAT MATTERS AND OF COURSE THE BIGGEST ENEMY OF ALL - TIME!!!!

See, what people forget is that "American Idols" are BOTH MADE AND BORN.. they aren't just "Hey you won a game show.. you're now the number one person in America because America says so..." No, people that become idols like Eminem and Ashanti had to do something these wantabes didn't do... they HAD TO WORK FOR IT!!! They had to work, refine, work, rewrite, work, restage, work, rework, work... oh and for Christmas? You fucking guessed it! They WORKED! Nothing these Karioke Contest Winners did...oh no.. they just did their monkey dance on a stage.. got judged by 2 has beens and 1 guy who suffers from Smallpenisitius and even HE don't know jack shit about music.. and had America, who has the attention span of a nat and the collective IQ of my rabies foam, vote who sucks the most then vote for who sung the best... oh yes... these "idols" worked soooo hard.... NO FUCK THAT FUCKING [Swear-A-Thon©] SHIT IN THE ASS!!! THIS JUST PROVES HOW RIGHT I AM... THESE "IDOLS" WORKED HARD AT NOTHING.. IT WAS JUST HANDED TO THEM, AND THUS WILL BE FORGOTTEN JUST AS FAST!!!

Even IF it was just handed to them, there needs to be more to them than just "they won a game show".. that being some key essential that they don't have... that is TALENT!!! See, people like Kelly Clarkson and Clay Akien (who BTW DIDN'T WIN the second American Blow Job Idol.. yet got more reconition than the winner...) are nothing more than brain dead retarded puppets that have to have music WRITTEN FOR THEM in order for their so called talent to be seen... Whatever music is written for them, they will sing even if their musical style goes up and down like the dicks they had to suck to get there. So, that means they WILL NEVER have a set style for reconition.. they just keep going with the flow and won't go against it otherwise they will be heading for Obsurityville faster than they got there... and thats IF they survive the next "American Dick Sucker Idol" season and are remembered. People that ARE ACTUAL idols DON'T GET SPOON FED 1/1,000,000th THE SAME WAY THESE POSERS ARE. Look at everybody that came before it... Most, if not all, had to both sing AND write their shit... and whats more they stayed with one style a long ass time before going another way. Not this "Ok, today my monkey, your song will be a pseudo-punk rock song. Tomorrow, you will sing a dance floor song before next week you sing country..." fucking shit these bums do... they follow the pop trend TOO DAMN CLOSE to MAKE a trend.

Biggest catch before they get to that point is they have to go through the "Judges"... Simon "Tiny Knob" Cowell, Paula "Was a Crack Whore before this"Abdoul, and Randy 'Rejected by the Fat Boys because he was too damn fat' Jackson. OH HOLY DONKEY SHOW ON A LANDMINE FIELD! THOSE 3 JUST REEK "ABLE TO FIND TALENT"... AND IF YOU BUY THAT SHIT, THEN I GOT AN OCEAN VIEW UP IN MY TREE NEXT TO ELVIS AND JIMMY HOFFA!!! THOSE 3 RETARDED CHIMPS COULDN'T FIND TALENT EVEN IF I PUT THE WORD 'TALENT' ON A POST-IT NOTE AND STUCK IT TO THEIR ASSES!!!! Let me bust this shit down and when I find pics of these 3 ass cum tarts and know how to put them on this shit.. (I know HTML.. not so familiar about this Blog deal...) I'll stick them to their bite...

Ass-Tard #1) Simon Cowell - Ok the only shit he's got going for him is his mean ass remarks... Hey, I say you're a fuck head with a dick so small God thought it was a hair and was about this close of ripping it off ya... Don't see me on TV.. Guess you don't like it when the shit is aimed your way... You can dish it out, but don't want to take it like a man.. I guess if I had a dick your size, I'd be pissed at my lot in life too...

Ass-Tard #2) Paula Abdoul - Oh fuck me running with boiling lava and broken glass... What a perfect way to find a potential idol for the masses than by getting the advice of a has been one-hit wonder? Guess they want everybody to see what they will end up being 10 years from now... I'd think it would discourage them.. but I guess the prospect of being on crack or being the blunt of jokes don't dawn on anybody till its too late....

Ass-Tard #3) Randy Jackson - God... I think my Leach brother said all that could be said about this tub of retarded lard... This guy speaks that ebonics crap.. and does it poorly and unconvincing too... Also, this guy resembles what happens when your career goal changes from "getting a album to sell at least 1 copy" to "Getting 25 Super Mega Sized meals down in 5 mins"

So... Judging by this panel of half wits... I'd say they are perfect to select the next person that will revolutionize the music industry.... ok maybe not... I wouldn't trust these three to pick the next meal to eat.. mainly because Randy Jackson would eat it all before anybody else would get it...

Ok so once they get picked by these 3 clueless judges they get voted by the audience... the entire audience that is bothering to watch the show or are sooo bored they would watch paint dry. NOW THAT is a feat of stupidity if I EVER saw one... See, the US has the attention span of a nat when it comes to Popular shit... its here today and everybody loves it...then when some new shit comes along BLAM! its over!!! Next thing you know these singers are in rehab for coke addictions and god knows what. Lord, last people I'd want to trust to pick an idol is a bunch of fanboy/girls that are sooo hopped up on the Crack known as popularity that their attention spans last only 5 min and have the memory worse than an old coot with Alzhimers. Yes.. good choice for choosing who'll be immortal for music...

Oh but the shit don't stop there... seems like the show takes delight in crushing people's feelings and hopes of becoming a musical singer. Well to those people, keep this in mind - BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THAT IS HOW MOST STARS AND REAL IDOLS STARTED OUT... BY HAVING A BUNCH OF NOBODYS TELL THEM SHIT LIKE THAT AND THEY ROSE ABOVE IT TO GIVE THEM RETARDED ASS FUCKS THE MIDDLE FINGER!!!! But naturally, all I have heard from them is bitching, whining, and complaining... Well, I know for a fact most idols didn't sit around and bitch.. they got off their ass AND TRYED AGAIN!!!! They didn't bitch they had only a limited selection of songs to sing... NO they WROTE their own and didn't depend on anybody to tell them what to sing! I guess at this rate, its a good thing you were told you sucked..we don't need another crybaby in the spotlight like Jennifer "STD Factory" Lopez.

The biggest shit pile isn't who wins or who don't or the amount of voting.. What makes me want to shit fire is what happens when they do win... that is the same thing that makes me want to bitch slap the blond out of Jessica "What hole does it go in?" Simpson and slap Nick "I don't know what a pussy hole looks like" Lashey... MOTHER FUCKING OVERKILLING OVEREXPOSURE!!!!!!! Thats right... I will hear the winner's shit played like a bazillion times on PISS FM in Des Moines (The Radio Station That Thinks The Universe Ends Outside Of Des Moines and Plays Shit Over And Over Again) and any other radio station for that matter... Its like they think that by playing it over and over again, it will burn in everybody's limited memory and make them buy the shit... Guess fucking what? NO, OVERPLAYING A SONG JUST MAKES PEOPLE NOT BUY ANYTHING AND ANNOYS THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF ME AND ANYBODY WITH A SHRED OF MUSICAL TASTE!!!!! That's why I have a prob with Destiny's Bastard Child... I heard that fucking "Survivor" song like no less than 20 times in one day... and the fuck heads at PISS FM had such a limited memory they once played it twice in a row with no recolection that they did!!! Also hearing about them on the news and on the web also gets old rather quick rather fast... I fucking don't give two shits and a fuck that Jennifer "Hollywood Prostitute" Lopez is fucking some new richie behind husband number 1,000,000.. So this "New" Retarded Idol will fall in that same category, that being "I Gives No Fuck" Category for you slow minded people...

When the dust clears and this clusterfuck is over, what is left? Has any of these jack offs won anything? So far, no they haven't won even "Shittiest Singer In History" or anything... And only that former truck stop hooker Kelly Clarkson has actually got a #1 song.. but that only lasted like a few weeks... then since then, she hasn't made it back.. and I predict unless she goes and sucks more dick and swallows, she will never hit number one again. Thus is the fate of any future Ass Fucking Receiving Idols... IF they are even remotely lucky and love the taste of dick and cum that is....

So... To tie this condom up and flush it... American Idol is nothing more than a Hollyfuckwood retarded idea and nobody that wins will ever amount to much, save an occasional one hit wonder. If you want to be an American Idol, do it the old fashion way - Work hard, stay away from shit like drugs, and use your talent with your mind to get you to that point. Don't depend on some retarded ass show with its poster child for helping the fat and retarded judges. It will be worth it when you look back and even if you are not immortalized, you will live in happiness like the Oompa Loompas and all.

And don't expect a record from your fellow partner in insanity... I can't sing and I would give everybody in the sound booth rabies anyways....

FCC = Fucking Controlling Cocksuckers

2005-02-19T22:02:00.000-08:00

"Look up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO! Its a monkey in a tree that has rabies and loves cheese! RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!"

[tipping Cowboy hat] Howdy all you Rabid Cheese Monkey fans... and fuck all ya haters, suck my dick... Time for this weeks episode of... ok more like your weekly rabies infection... Without further stalling...

Ok, I wrote earlier about the Super Bowl... and now comes my rant on the shit that pisses me off more than finding out I fucked a fat chick when I had (more than) one too many to drink or finding out that I am SANE and this rabies I have is just a cold... what is that you may wonder? NO..I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT YOU THINK, IF I DID YOU'D BE WRITING THIS NOT ME!! I am talking about the shit that happened last year with Janet "Why the fuck is she in the music business?" Jackson... No not the "Clothing Malfunction", that was bull shit anyways THAT WAS INTENTIONAL AND FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE... I am talking about the shit AFTER it.. That's right, I am talking about the slow censorship and eradication of the First Admendment that is occurring thanks in part to the Fucking Communist Cunts, or as we know them the FCC....

The Federal Communication Commission (There Motto? "Nothing like 200+ year old paper to wipe our asses with!") got a whole ass load of complaints after Janet "Total Douche Bag Wash Out" Jackson showed her boob on TV. Who did the complaining? Parents. Parents that are so worried about OTHER children that they don't really notice what THEIR children are watching or care to sit down and explain to their kids the birds and bees.. but more specifically - TOO FUCKING LAZY TO TURN THE FUCKING TV OFF AND KEEP THEIR NOSE OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES SHIT AND MAKE OTHER'S BUSINESS THEIR SHIT!!

Ok, I admit, I didn't want to see her damn boob just like anybody else. After all, her nudie pic is considered a weapon of mass destruction in 20 GALAXIES.. funny we went to war with Iraq over WMD and yet Playboy published one... Anyways... What followed was the equivalent of launching a tactical nuke trying to kill a flea. Suddenly, radio and TV became too afraid to even shit because the big bad FCC (Motto : "Freedom of speech and media for all.. unless we say otherwise!") would come along and hit them up with a fine! National TV stations became afraid to play anything that could be considered "Fine material" and Radio decided Howard Stern and Man Cow were "too Fine Material" for the air waves. Worst part? A movie, Saving Private Ryan, a damn fine movie and great educational value was DENIED play because stations were TOO FUCKING AFRAID the FCC (Motto : "Is that an elbow, or a boob? Ahh screw it.. fine them!") would fine everybody! Basically, these stations were afraid of their own shadows because some lazy ass parent could scream bloody murder and they'd end up with a fine!

Well, Rabid Cheese Monkey (Motto : ",!,, ^,~,^ ,,!,") has this to say - WHAT THE MUTHA FUCKING BLUE SHITTING HELL IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY??!!!! First let me aim my Double Barreled Insanity ShitGun at the National Stations and Radios... WHY MUST YOU BOW DOWN AND KISS THE ASS OF A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE WHEN THE REST (ALL FEW MILLION, NOT 2 OR MORE) DON'T GIVE A FUCK?!!! Give us what we want and fuck those who whine! I admit, I wouldn't want you to just go ape shit and start broadcasting hardcore porn and I'll also admit that there are things children mustn't see... BUT THAT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF A PARENT NOT A NATIONAL TELEVISION/RADIO STATION TO DECIDE!!! Just use your head (the top one ya dumb shit!) and we will all be fine.

Now for you, you lazy excuses for parents.... Ok, its about time you fucking learn of this amazing thing on your television that has been there since the television has been created. Its called THE ON/OFF SWITCH!!! HOLY FUCKING CLUSTER FUCK ON ICE WITH SANTA CLAUS AND ELVIS!! YOU CAN ACTUALLY USE THAT FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN TURNING IT OFF AT NIGHT?!! FUCKING DAMN STRAIT YA RETARDED ASS FUCK!! Let me explain - See something that you find you don't want your kids to see? Just press that magical button called the On/Off (or Power button) and OH MY FUCKING GOD GOT UP AND DID THE RUMBA! THE BAD SHIT IS GONE!!! LIKE MAGIC!!! Sweet merciful crap, WHY can't ya do that instead of bitch about it? Furthermore... WHY must you concern yourself with OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS instead of YOUR OWN when you are doing a shit ass poor job of it???

Let me give ya an example... I was in this poor man's Walmart thats close to my tree, and I saw a mother and her tribe of Future Chain Gang Members doing typical things. Well, one of her kids wanted a game.. a M (for Mature) rated game. Now, you'd think that if you had any sort of scruples as a parent, you'd tell them "No, the game is M Rated.. I don't want ya to play a violent game"... Guess what? The "Mom" said "I don't know if they will let you buy it since it is M Rated" HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!! YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO SAY "NO" BUT I KNOW YOU WOULD HAVE BOUGHT THE GAME IF THE STORE SAID NO!!! Besides, that store is shit.. they won't say no.. they need the money. I almost wanted to bitch slap her and say "Thanks Bitch for fucking over the game industry!" But RCM won't do that.. Why? 1) I don't hit women, 2) I was next in line, 3) My strait jacket was on with the "Danger! Stand Back! This monkey has rabies!" sign on it, and 4) Ultimately that was her choice to get it.. I have no right to condemn it.... However, SHE has no right to condemn what is on that game or in the game industry now because of HER choice. So that means she has NO right to scream bloody murder about how games have become violent because she knowingly bought one or knowingly gets violent movies/games/music for her kids.

Essentially - If you know you are buying something inappropriate, then its your fault if you find it offensive... and ignorance of the warnings (ie not knowing the rating system even though its played like a broken record on those kioses and clearly posted like everywhere) is ABSOLUTELY NO DEFENSE TO YOUR OWN IGNORANCE!!!! Its not the game/music/television/movie industry's fault you are an illiterate retarded ass pirate... You bought it, its your own damn fault. So don't force your ignorance on me because of your poor, ignorant choices.. Try it and you will be next in line for rabies shots with hand and dick welts all over ya!

And now... The FCC (Motto : "Fine them for playing 'Leave it to Beaver'.. Beaver is an offensive word and will corrupt our youth!"), RCM (Motto : ",!,, ^,~,^ ,,!,") saved ya for last... Mainly because ya keep moving around and I can't hit the backside of my ass with both hands....

Since the Janet "Get off the stage ya tallentless bitch!" Jackson donkey show... the Fucking Communist Cokeheads has been on the Holy Turd Grail Quest to "Clean up radio and TV".. and to basically go Censorship Happy and destroy the First Admendment all in the name of "Protecting children from Inappropriate Material"... well, protect this and kiss it because I am coming to bite it and give ya rabies!-> (_(_)

WHY THE FUCK MUST THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT, WHO IS SO FAR OUT OF TOUCH WITH THIS THING CALLED "REALITY" THAT THEY PRETTY MUCH HAVE A MAILING ADDY NEXT TO SATCHQUATCH, DICTATE WHAT IS AND ISN'T APPROPRIATE ON OPEN MEDIA?!!! We DON'T need a government body telling us these things.. and we don't need them to freak everytime a boob from a wash up appears on TV!! What you are doing isn't "Protecting" its called "Censorship".. something the Constitution said YOU MAY NOT DO YA FUCK HEADS!! NO GOVERNMENT ORGANIZATION CAN SAY WHAT IS AND ISN'T APPROPRIATE FOR PEOPLE TO SEE!!!!!! Furthermore, this "We will fine ya a bazillion dollars if we deem it inappropriate" is also dumb. Your "definition" of what is inappropriate is soooo vague that even something totally bland could get a massive fine.. ALL BECAUSE ONE SHIT HEAD DECIDED TO COMPLAIN!!!!! The actions of the FCC (Motto : "No Retard or Shithead left behind.. and forget common sense!") are sooo ludicrous that I am surprised they have gotten away with it as long as it has. They are effectively turning the Constitution into ass paper.

But here is the thing... this is the ONLY NATION that has such a hang up on sex on TV. Other nations and countries have shit on their airwaves that would make Janet "Get the fuck out of here!" Jackson look tame in comparison. Other places have shit like homosexuality, nudity, swearing... and they don't have all the rights we have here! What does that make the US then? More civil... or more fucking retarded? Oh we can have shit like CSI and show blood guts and gore.. but show a boob or a dick and HOLY SHIT! STOP THE PRESSES!! CAN'T HAVE BOOBS OR COCKS NEXT TO THE BLOOD!!! MAY TEACH KIDS TO GET IT OUT OF ORDER!!!! I say this - SHUT THE FUCK UP AND KEEP IT SHUT!!!

I seriously don't believe kids mimic what they see on TV... I think they mimic what their parents teach and if that is faltered then we get these probs we have here. TV and the Media have NO BEARING on how kids will act.. WHAT PARENTS TEACH THEIR KIDS DOES MORE THAN WHAT THEIR KIDS WATCH!!!! It is quite possible that a kid could play violent video games and watch bloody movies... yet if a parent has taught that kid that all life is important and that they must NEVER take a life unless their life is in danger, that violence in real life solves nothing... then that kid I strongly think will never raise a hand in anger. As for sex... teach that kid that the opposite sex should be treated with respect and that they must NEVER disrespect or dehumanize them, then NO amount of sex on TV will cause that child to be a rapist or a spouse beater. This whole "We must protect the children!" is just a sugar coating for the removal of the First Admendment... and all subsequent Admendments after that...

So in closing its up to the individual, not a government body, to decide what is or isn't offensive. That the individual needs to take steps THEMSELVES to prevent offensive things from entering their homes. The FCC (Motto : "Common Sense? No, we need to be senseless!") should be there to prevent MAJOR NOT MINOR events from occurring. That ultimately it comes down to the individuals choice and that they are responsible for what their kids watch or not watch, NOT A FUCKING FEDERAL OFFICE!!! That if a kid acts antisocial, it is because of parents' raising.. or a mental disease... NOT THE MEDIA!!!

If it takes a village to raise a kid, then we are fucked because we have way too many village idiots here....

Now excuse me... I am going to go watch as this country gets destroyed after I watch "Naked Blood Bath"

Just Eliminate Retards Kuz Only Fucking Fools Show : The Anti-Drug that makes me want to DO DRUGS!!!

2005-02-13T00:30:00.000-08:00

Ahh man... Life is sooo much easier when you are insane and you are a monkey that has rabies. I could preach for hours, but I am sure you are hear for the latest installment of "What The Fuck Is This Crazy Ass Going To Babble About Now?" Soooo... Without further adeu (or however you spell that French word) Turn your heads to Chapter 6 Verse 69 Subsection 420 and let the insanity begin...

Ok, I am sure that you all have seen ads by The Partnership for a Drug Free America.. and maybe not so much from Just Eliminate Lies (aka JEL - A group of teens who got together to just eliminate lies.. and prove they are a bunch of retarded fucks). Now, let me clear the blunt smoke out of here and let me say this - I am NOT FOR drug use or teen smoking..and if you say I am, I will personally bitch slap your head off! So, what am I against exactly? Hypocrisy and Misinformation. Thats right.. I am against LIES.

Let me first bite and infect truth (and rabies...) into JEL.... Ok, let me set up what they are since nobody and their mama knows who the flying fuck JEL is outside Iowa.. or even in Iowa. JEL is an Anti-Smoking campain group that is trying to "eliminate the lies" that Big Tobacco has spread throughout the years. They hope they can destroy Big Tobacco and nobody will die from the shit tobacco does.. and thus bring back the unicorns and world peace and we all will live happily ever after....

News Flash you god damn buch of retarded muther fucking cock sucking...[going into a Rabid Cheese Monkey Patent Pending Cuss-A-Thon]... pieces of fucking shit!!!!

[Choir Sings - "Amen"]

I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT JEL!!! TRUTH IS, THE ONLY LIES YOU NEED TO ELIMIATE ARE THE ONES YOU SPREAD YOURSELF!!!!

Lets start from the beginning... For starters, JEL is NOT a bunch of "teens" who got together.. in fact, JEL is a Anti-Smoking STATE GOVERNMENT OFFICE that continuously gets money taken from them thanks to Governor Vilsack (from this point forward named Ballsack) because he can't manage his own check book much less a state's income. By the way... RCM don't believe in coincidences... Why the fuck was Ballsack in NJ a week or 2 before McGreevey (from this point forward named McGreedy) admits he's gay? Lover's quarrel Ballsack? Hummm....

Anyways, the Lie is that they are STILL a government office... the Iowa Department of Youth Tobacco Prevention... THAT IS JEL, NOT A BUNCH OF TEENS!! JEL IS LYING ABOUT WHO THEY ARE!! THEY ARE A GOVERNMENT ORGANIZATION NOT A INDEPENDENT ORGANIZATION!! To prove this.. Before JEL even was shit out somebody's ass, ads were ran by that government organization.. and when JEL was taken out of the toilet they ran ads too...that were identical.. no...THEY WERE the same ads under the JEL banter!!! So.. who are you fooling JEL? Not this rabid monkey who loves cheese... and pussy...

[Choir sings - "Amen"]

Now for the next part... Do you know where JEL gets the money? Answer - the Tobacco settlement! So let me get this strait JEL... You want to eliminate Big Tobacco, but you get PAID BY Big Tobacco to run this shit show? That makes no sense.. no wait it does... IT MAKES YOU A BUNCH OF 2 TIMING FUCKING HYPOCRITES!!!!! I am kind of glad that Ballsack took most of that money and used it for "Roads" ... or maybe to patch things up with McGreedy... The point here is that you get money from the thing you try to eliminate.. That is like saying "We hate big tobacco and don't want it around.. but we need big tobacco around so we can be heard" So.. do as you say, don't do as you do JEL? Well go fuck yourself...

I hear some person in the back pew saying "But Rabid, you're a foaming mad monkey..." Not you dumb shit, the guy next to you.. he said "But what about that other anti-smoking group Truth?" Give that man a Columbia Gold Cigar! Truth is nothing like JEL.. See, they get their money from The Heritage Foundation and both are not government organizations. Also, they are out just saying the lies that were said. They are not out to destroy Big Tobacco... Something NO 2 bit "group of teens but are really a government organization" could do in a million years.. They are just giving you the info, nothing more and nothing less.

But I guess JEL wants to be like Truth.. so what are they doing now? "Borrowing" ads that are produced by Truth and saying their group... What a bunch of retards! Go back to your special ed classes and fail like ya always do! Guess its hard to make new ads when Ballsack takes your cash for "roads"... But now we shall go to the next part of my sermon titled "ONDCP and JEL - Proof that America has gone to the idiots" First.. the collection plate is being passed.. so cough it up!

[Choir Sings - "Fuck the world" by Insane Clown Posse]

Ahh, I got some bananas and cheese... thats better than money.. Oh and a chick's number... looks like I'm getting laid after this! Ok on to the next part...

Since the beginning of time.. or since Reagan outlawed pot... this group called "The Partnership for A Drug-Free America" has been running ads saying the dangers of drugs. Like JEL, it is a government agency - Office of National Drug Control Policy (that's what ONDCP stands for if you have been wondering what the fuck I meant by that... I don't give 2 shits and a fuck if you are wondering what the fuck I am babbling about). They have come up with some real winners for ads... and now they are doing this "The Anti Drug" shit... "Regret : The Anti-Drug" "Knowledge : The Anti-Drug" "Parents : The Anti-Drug".. Hey, know what my Anti-Drug is? INSANITY AND RABIES : THE ANTI-DRUG!!

[Choir Sings - "Amen"]

Ok.. Let me say this - IF PARENTS ARE TOO FUCKING LAZY TO TEACH THEIR KIDS NOT TO DO DRUGS, A FUCKING AD ISN'T GOING TO WORK EITHER! IN FACT, NOTHING WILL!!!! Also, there are a shitload of drugs out there.. and what do they target? POT!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!! Pot is no more dangerous than beer and smokes... yet you target THAT???? God damn! I'd say that you are a bunch of retarded fucks.. but this is a federal government deal so this is no surprise to me.

But what really jacks my ass about them and JEL is that they think these ads WORK. Guess what?? THEY DO NOT WORK!!!!! THEY HAVE STOPPED NOTHING!! Study after study after study has said the same thing : These ads do not work nor convince anybody to not do what they preach. You'd think they'd answer to this.. but oh no, they babble that drug/smoking has gone down in the last years... Here's the deal - if the decrease has occurred, its not because of some ad.. its because people just simply not done it. Also.. here is something for you [Swear-A-Thon©] to think about... look at the last presidential election - according to all those polls, JOHN KERRY should have won! Polls don't like right? Guess what - PEOPLE DO!!! Most said they were voting for Kerry.. and went and voted for BUSH! They did this to fuck with the pollers... and guess what? People that are polled if they do drugs 9 times out of 10 lie too... They are not going to openly say they do, and some actually say they do drugs but are as clean as a virgin's pussy. They do this to fuck with the pollers.. and so I have no faith in the "polls" and the "Statistics" that these groups spout out.

So... I know that these ads don't work and that mostly its a show of hypocrisy than anything else. Doing shit like drugs and smokes is a matter of personal choice. No amount of talking, advertising, information and laws is going to stop the person from making a bad choice. They may kill themselves. They may kill others. Ultimately its their fault and the lessons that they would teach are ignored by those who are going to still make the wrong choice. Don't believe me? Ask yourself : When was the last time an ad convinced ya not to do something? Never?

[Choir Sings - "Amen"]

In closing, these groups need to wake up and smell the shit burning. They are fighting a pointless battle and nothing they can do can stop what they are against. Being a hypocrite is much worse than being a pot head. At least if you stop smoking pot, you won't be a pot head anymore. But being a hypocrite means you are a liar and nothing can ever change that.

JEL said once "We are not stupid and we are not going to take it anymore!"...

Yes you are stupid. Stupid and retarded. Now sit down and shut the fuck up before Ballsack finds out you have more cash and uses it for flowers for McGreedy.

Now get the fuck out of here... I am going to get me some....

[Choir Sings - "Amen"]

I just come to do the Super Bowl Shovel...

2005-02-02T22:43:00.000-08:00

Ahh yess... The Super Bowl. The time of year your foaming mad monkey actually gives a shit about Football... Where dreams are made and broken, I believe.. of course if your life depends on a fucking dumb game, then I'd have to say you live a sad and pointless life.. but thats just me and I am insane....

So how does your partner in insanity decide what team to root for considering I have no team in particular I like? RCM gets out his lucky quarter (the first quarter I can get out of my piggy bank that resembles.. or wait, is a coffee can) and flips it. Not the Bird, stupid shit! I flip the quarter in the air (or nickel, or dime, or penny.. depending if I used them all up) and call what team plays on each side... and it lands on the ground... the team that I said was heads or tails will be the team I root for dependent on what side is facing up. So by now you can guess that is just 50/50 odds and its not at all scientific... But fuck off... I am not disappointed and what's more I spend that quarter or whatever so its all good...

Soooo... by now you are wondering.. or probably have wondered why.. I titled this shit "Super Bowl Shovel" not "Super Bowl Shuffle".. NO, I didn't make a mistake. There is a reason if you would just keep reading on...

The biggest thing on RCM's shit list isn't the game or the absurdity that relates to professional sports (i.e. - Steroids, money, and DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE PLAYERS COMMITTING CRIME!!! I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT HERE ABOUT SOME RETARD IN IA CITY ON THE NEWS HERE TO MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE!!!!...oh yeah, more money). Rather, another issue that is catching like a wild fire or some skin rash... that being the fucking dumber than shit ads that come out around that time...

Let me fill you in : Every single fucking Super Bowl... Pepsi changes its slogan.. Coke changes its slogan... and countless upon countless of stupid, dumber that hell ads get pumped at us. These ads make us laugh at them and forget the point... they are trying to SELL SHIT at us while we laugh. They will make us remember them for as long as we can remember them.. How many Super Bowl ads do you remember? How long ago was it since you seen that ad? But here is the capper - What is it the ad is trying to pitch at us???

Everybody remembers the Budweiser Frogs.. the Whazzup ads.. and countless other gimmicks... but what makes me want to get up and do my RCM Salute (which is me grabbing my dick and sticking up my middle finger) is that people miss the point of these ads.. THESE ADS ARE SELLING SHIT!!! THE GREAT MAJORITY IS SHIT MOST PEOPLE DON'T NEED!!!!! Beer, SUVs, beer, some anti-Drug, beer, credit cards, beer, computers, beer... are we seeing a pattern here? Humm... I could be wrong but Beer certainly shows up alot here... No wait.. I am forgetting that Pepsi pretty much owns most of the block too...

Ok let me get this quite clear - I don't hate beer... I can't drink it but I don't hate it.... but what I am grabbing at here is that there is alot of beer ads during the Super Bowl.. but that I don't care about... what I DO care about is the level these ad executives and directors go to sell their shit during some game that for the most part either gets alot of fans buzzed or pissed depending on who goes there or who does not... then is forgotten for the most part till next season. It is absurd that these execs will pay $2 million to show some flash in the pan singer push there new sloganed pop... NEWS FLASH SHIT HEADS - RCM Drinks whatever he fucking wants when it comes to soda... and if it was safe to do so, I'd drink Draino... I don't fucking care that Brittany "Next to do Madonna's sex shit" Spears drinks Pepsi... I'll drink it if its on sale at the food store.. And odds are Brittany Spears don't drink your shit anyways.. she only drinks it because you paid her more than she is worth (RCM estimates - $2/hr & $5 for oral - and that is still too pricey in my book for her) to say she drinks it!

But what tears my ass apart and makes me want to fart fire everywhere is how the ads are copied AFTER the "Big Game".. its like its a preview of coming stupidity from the makers of every dumb product out there... Nike, Pepsi, Dell (hey.. I shouldn't diss them.. this computer is Dell...), Budweiser, the list goes on and on... they want to see what gets a reaction out of you and they keep pushing and pushing till next year... Its like these ads are the button that if you press gives ya a food pellet in a lab experiment.. and these execs spend millions and billions to see what will make you press that button. You buy some new sloganed soda that has been around forever and buy it with some credit card you got and take it home in some new SUV gas hog and put it next to some fast food artery clogger in a refridge that you got at Sears.... Sounds like you are a corporate bitch more and more...

Its like this.. besides RCM making probably no sense... The problem here lays with commercialism.. the whole "I got to buy the shit on TV or I won't look like I am not hip" bull shit that has been layed on us since fuck knows when. My life isn't dependent on anything they will advertise at that fucking game.. and I know the money spent on the damn ads could have fed every single starving person in the US during the game... But NOOO.. lets have people spend themselves to debt and end up starving while we push this new piece of shit.. Lets make them believe its hip and cool to have it... Fuck that shit and fuck you!!! I have something you don't, TV ad execs... its called a BRAIN.. mind you I put it to waste everyday, but still... I will buy and get what I WANT to buy and get because I WANT TO NOT because some American One Hit Wonder Idol endorses your shit. If I do buy and get your shit, its because I WANT TO, and not because of some retard ass ad.

I don't do things "Hip" or "Cool" and don't plan on ever. Last time I checked, nobody cared if you drank a Pepsi or wore Nike shit.. and if so it was brief.. Forgotten in like 1 minute... The point is that these ads feed you so much shit and nobody notices that these are what they really are - Ads.. Overpriced, overproduced, overdone Ads... Its just sad that people actually look forward to the ads over the game.. so that shovel is really something I want to slap these producers of these ads with...hopefully knock some sense into them, however it'd help if sense was actually there...

So in closing, remember that when you see those ads during the Super Bowl, you are viewing an ad that you will see or a derivative of for the next 12 months or so. That you should buy things you NEED not because its "cool" and that what you buy says nothing more about you than what is already known... maybe it also says you spend way too much...

Oh yeah.. who is RCM rooting for this year? Humm... Who the fuck is playing and where is my piggy coffee can bank??? Hope theres a quarter in there....

The Messiah you never knew you had!!!

2005-01-29T16:14:00.000-08:00

Ok, I decided to start this shit because I was getting tired of the rampant stupidity that runs like water around here and everywhere. So, borrowing a page from my bro's ingenious mind, I decided to set this up and rant till I turn blue.... or they lock me up in the nutter bin...

Anyways... top of my stupid shit list? A little town in the middle of nowhere called Ottumwa, Iowa...

Ok... don't get me wrong... the town is alright.. it has some alright stores and all... but what really jacks my ass is the amount of stupidity that runs amuck there. Ok for those of you that have the smarts to not come to Iowa, let me fill ya in :

See, Ottumwa is suppose to be getting this deal called Bridge View Event Center... Now if you haven't heard of Ottumwa, you will now when this cluster fuck comes in. People in that town actually believe that the damn thing will bring in businesses and new people and keep the students that go to the college there (Indian Hills... or as I call it Shit Pile Hills) People think that fucking thing is some type of messiah or something for the town. Oh and some Riverboat Casino too... yeah those things are going just have people line up to come to that town....

But for the Bridge View to live, a sacrifice must be made to the Vision Iowa Gods... That Sacrifice is in the form of the demolition of the coliseum that has been around for so long, and really could have been restored and been just as useful... But I guess not... Something that is useful cannot be kept there... but something useless like a stair case to the High School should be saved because its "historic" or some shit... never mind the fact the coliseum has been around much longer than the stairs...

Let me say this as nicely as possible : WHAT THE FUCKING BLUE HELL ARE YOU RETARDS THINKING?!!! Its a fucking event center... whoop de fucking doo... I cannot see where people get off saying that Event Center will bring business or do 1/10th of what they think it will do! "Oh but it will attract businesses and visitors..." Suck my dick! Its going to do no such shit! Oh it might bring some visitors, but that's only if the damn thing brings in big ticketed events like concerts from KNOWN bands.. not local bull shit... and maybe it will bring in some money... but lets look at your other "tourist trap" you call the Beach Ottumwa... that thing isn't bringing in the cash, halfly because ticket prices are god awful high and it has the WORST security there. Mark my words - Go to Beach Ottumwa and you will get robbed if you leave shit in the changing rooms... (RCM wonders if its the local government doing it in order to pay for it...) But fuck all that... I know what's going to be playing there 5 years from now... Local shit.. Nothing worth going to see... No businesses coming in... Tourist levels remaining unchanged... And be yet another sink hole that they scratch their asses wondering why the shit don't fly...

Let me save ya 5 years and shitloads of money.... Ok, better yet.. let me tell ya what is wrong and maybe you all that are bothering to read my shit will get why I got a problem with this: Ottumwa has the highest land tax in the state. It has Cargil Meat there, a hog killing plant.. So everyday you go there, you smell something that resembles somebody cooking rotten pork. Its got an inferior college, and RCM knows this because I went there and still haven't got anything from my degree AND the nursing program has the highest FAILURE rate for the state board!!!

But the capper is the people's way of thinking. Its not alright to tear down a staircase at the high school... Oh my god!!! Can't do that!! We need those stairs because they are old as the school itself!!! When it comes to the coliseum.. ah Fuck it... we get Bridge View... No biggie... What the Fuck???!!! Its a fucking Staircase!!!! NOTHING IMPORTANT HAPPENED ON THAT STAIRCASE SO WHY THE FUCK KEEP IT?! REPLACE IT OR REPAIR IT, BUT DON'T RAISE HELL ABOUT IT ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DON'T CARE THAT SOMETHING LIKE THE COLISEUM IS BEING TORE DOWN FOR YOUR BLASTED BRIDGE VIEW CENTER!!!!!! Furthermore, the High School is more important than the staircase.. Get your heads out your ass and get your priorities right!!!

As for all this Bridge View shit, businesses both large and small don't give a fuck about an event center... if they did, then Ottumwa would have been up the Shit River along time ago... Businesses care about LAND TAX, POPULATION, AND THE LEVEL OF INTELLIGENCE/ABILITY THE PEOPLE HAVE IN THAT TOWN NOT SOME FUCKING EVENT CENTER OR EVENTS PERIOD! Oh it might lure some prospects, but the second they see the land tax amounts.. they will bolt...

Speaking of Shit River... that Casino will fare no better... in fact it will make matters worse for Ottumwa. RCM is guessing that the purpose is to keep the money that people who work at Cargil so it don't leave the town... Wise thinking.. if your a fucking retarded ass pirate! I can tell you what will happen and I don't have ESP... Crime rate will sky rocket because those workers will go broke and need money. Dependency on government programs will rise in Ottumwa because of people lacking the cash to eat, live, etc.. reason being they gambled it all away... oh and that will be seen in a 100 mile radius of Ottumwa too... "But RCM, the casino there will give money to schools and such and will lower the land tax" Fuck off... it won't do such shit! For starts, the amount the schools get will just be a drop in the bucket compared to the total amount. Also, the government there won't lower prop taxes because they will be too busy using any extra income to strengthen the police and give to Welfare due to the negative consequences of having a casino there..and since Ottumwa isn't as big as say Des Moines, these consequences will be greatly magnified... So the real winner here would be the casino owner... everybody else gets to suck a dick....

In closing, Ottumwa loves to think they are bigger than they really are... Sad truth is that nobody outside of Iowa will know that the town exists.. Unless you watch that old TV show MASH and then you'd know because Radar lived in Ottumwa... The whole point I am making with this is that Bridge View and that Casino are not messiahs and will not be the cure all for all of Ottumwa's woes... You have to work on other things and have more to offer to businesses other than to say "Oh we have Bridge View..." As long as Ottumwa thinks these things are "cure alls", then there will never be great growth or prosperity there...

They worry that they will be the laughing stock of Iowa... I think its way too late....